Inside the Pomegranate

I'm Back!

2012-02-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

Where is time going??   I just logged on here and found that I hadn't posted a blog since December 11!!! Insane! So much is going on around me, but time doesn't stand still enough for me to organize my thoughts and write. I have to make time. So today is Wednesday, Feb. 22, and I'm at the office on my lunch break, with my salad, my water, and my Django Rinehardt playing and two-plus months worth of catching up to do.

My health is good, thank God. The worst part of surgery/reconstruction (post-mastectomy) is over, and I have a little bit of cosmetic stuff to go through in a couple months, but all in all, I am well. Well enough to train for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer this coming September. Wait, not only train, but lead a team of amazing women and men (20 in total) as Team In Her Shoes. It's been fun. We've been doing weekly training walks, fundraising, and raising awareness for breast cancer. We each have to raise $1,800 to participate...and with 20 walkers, that makes our goal $36,000. So we've started early and we're 23% of the way there. info.avonfoundation.org/goto/inhershoes   So here's a shameless plug: If you'd like to donate, here's the website! We're walking to put an end to all cancers and will walk in memory, honor or celebration of your loved one, so send me their name and I will carry them on our 39 mile journey!

My daughter Ani and her fiance Eric set their wedding date, so that's very exciting. They'll be getting married in the Fall, and it'll be here before you know it. So there's exciting times ahead. She's actually started a blog about the whole experience called Bacheegs & Love.   I linked in if you're interested to click and read. Last month we got to go to Ani's residency graduation. She's now a full blown pediatric nurse and on her own at Children's Hospital.

The illustration job is COMPLETE as of last night at 12:45 a.m.!!! Yep, I scanned the last two drawings to the East Coast this morning, and now we're in the process of sending all 15 panels over for publication. It was part of my Lenten Journey to get these done and over with already!!! And here we are on day 3 of lent and I'm done (all except for a little sliver of cloth on the priest's waist band. Really!)

I think the one thing that has really been suffering is my jewelry business. I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to work in silver or beads at all and given that this year's goal is to "Build my Business" I really need to get off the stick and push, push, push.

I did some writing on Hub Pages over Christmas. Recipes and whatnot. If you're interested, check it out. http://www.hubpages.com/ and you can search for me as "ahnoosh". Looks of canning and cooking recipes and the recipe for my grandma's yalanchi sarma.

Anyways, that's about all the time I have today. I just wanted to check in. I'm going to try to write more regularly. And I have a lot of ideas.

Here's today's question: Lent is here. What is your lenten journey about?

Imagine Being Invisible

2011-12-10T00:39:00.000-08:00

Imagine what it would be like to be invisible. You would sit quietly, or not so quietly, and people would walk by not acknowledging your presence. And then what about when you spoke to them. Obviously, they would hear you, but they would ignore you...and pretend that they hadn't heard you.

This is what life is like for most of our homeless population on the streets of Los Angeles. Our monthly outreach to the Skid Row area of L.A., with our group, In His Shoes, has shed a different perspective for me on the population on the streets. With the economic downturn, there are more and more people on the street. Not just men, but women...families. I often think that we are all just a paycheck away from the street if it weren't for our support systems, be they family, friends, church.

Not all who are living on the street are "crazy", "mental patients", or "social deviants." I have met many types. For the four years that we have been doing our monthly outreach in Los Angeles, I have met the "regulars" as well as those who are in transition. From what I see, there are 4 different types on the street.

There are those that live there and LIKE living there. They are usually men in their 30's and 40's who thrive on the environment, seeing their friends on a day-to-day basis. They may be living in Single Room Occupancy apartments with very low rent, but hardly have enough for food.
The mentally challenged. There are those that have mental issues, or that have drug-related problems and they cannot function in a "normal" society
The newly homeless. This includes those that have newly lost everything, their jobs and homes. They are the ones that are trying hard to get off the streets, trying to make the best of the programs that are out there. But the programs are so impacted that they may or may not get the help that they need.
Those that are living in the shelters but don't have the ability to provide for themselves and therefore end up begging for food and clothing on the street.

I suppose what sparked this writing is a conversation that I had recently with Bob, one of my homeless friends. I see Bob on a daily basis as I walk to my car on Figueroa. Bob is disabled, in a wheelchair with one leg only. He is the kindest, gentlest and most positive soul. As passersby walk to their destinations, Bob sits there, her cup for donations on the sidewalk. He does not beg, but the cup is there. Instead he greets people, compliments them on their clothing, discusses the sporting events that happened, yet as I approach I notice that there are not many that even make eye contact with Bob. And I started wondering what that would feel like, to be a "non-person." I imagine it would disheartening, if not incredibly lonely.
A couple months ago, I noticed that Bob was wearing glasses. I asked him about it. "A couple months ago, some people took me to Costco to get my eyes checked. They ordered glasses for me, but I wasn't able to go there to pick them up." They picked them up for me and now I can see. I asked him, 'So now that you can see all of us, tell me, are we as beautiful and handsome as you always tell us we are? I mean, now that you can see." He laughed and said, "Everyone is beautiful. I love Los Angeles. I'm blesed to be here."
A couple months ago, I overheard Bob tell someone that his birthday was coming up. When I asked him, he told me his birthday was on December 7 - Pearl Harbor Day. He was going to be 53. As the weeks went by, Bob referenced his upcoming birthday a few times to me. I told him that I had the date in mind - December 7. Bob's birthday was two days ago. As I wished him happy birthday on my way to the car, and handed him a bad with his birthday gift (a pack of underwear that he had asked for), he said something to me that I will not forget. I wanted to share it with you.
After thanking me for the gift, he said, "You always remember my name. And I appreciate that, ma'am. You know who I am." I can't forget this. Our homeless brothers and sisters are people, just like you and I. They are the children of fathers and mothers. They are the brothers and sisters of families. Those families may or may not know where they are, or care about them. But this doesn't discount the fact that they are human beings with needs, fears, hopes and dreams like all of us. They just lack the support systems that we so readily enjoy. They have names and birthdays.

Happy Birthday to Bob. May your life be filled with the beauty and goodness that you so readily see in all of us.

Here's what you can donate to the homeless in your community

It's often difficult to know what to give to the homeless. I hear people tell me they don't want to give money because they fear the person will use it for alcohol or drugs. That may or may not be the case, however, if you would prefer to give items to the homeless in your community, here are some suggestions that I find are asked for on a regular basis on our homeless outreach.

Socks
Blankets/Sleeping Bags
Toiletries (the little bottles from hotels are a great size for the homeless)
Towels
Sweatshirts, Sweatpants or Jeans
Shoes

Conversations about Underwear on Figueroa

2011-12-08T00:19:00.000-08:00

About a month or so ago, I was heading toward my car on Figueroa after finishing up at work. As usual, Bob was in his spot, sitting in his wheelchair, he greeted the passers-by with "Your hair looks nice," "What a game last night, huh?", and "I like your earrings." I would say about 50% don't even make eye contact. That's pretty good considering most homeless people on the street. Bob is different. He's likeable. Very even tempered, and very complimentary. That's his schtick. That's Bob. On that day, he was asking someone if they had seen Puss n' Boots. He said that he thought it was a funny film and recommended that this man take his son to see the film. "My son is 18. He's not going to sit through Puss n' Boots." To which Bob replied, "Well, I'm going to be 53, and I sat through it...and really liked it!" At that time, I was approaching, and he starting asking me if I had seen the movie. I told him I hadn't, but asked him when his upcoming birthday was having overheard his conversation.

"December 7! I was born on Pearl Harbor Day,1958." So I remembered. For the past 6 weeks or so, every once in a while Bob would mention that he had an upcoming birthday, to which I'd say, "I know. Pearl Harbor Day, 1958." Everytime I say this, Bob says, "Aw, ma'am...you remembered my birthday." I've told Bob my name, but he calls me "ma'am" which I would hate from anyone else, but from Bob, it's okay.

So yesterday as I passed Bob, I asked him what he needed for his birthday. "Aw, ma'am, you remembered!...Well, I could use some pants, but I know a couple people that said they would get me some." I asked about food thinking I could get him a gift card to Corner Bakery (I know he likes their chili).    But he said, "no, I have enough food...I get so much from people going by that sometimes I have to give it away." So that was out. Then he said, "Ma'am? I could actually use some underwear though." I said okay, happy to have a definite gift idea. And then there I was. On Figueroa, discussing underwear with Bob. What kind? Boxers? Tighty whiteys? What size? And it struck me as funny as I was walking away because I was having this conversation about something somewhat intimate with Bob who is just really an acquaintance...but an acquaintance in need of underwear. That evening, in Costco, I told my husband that I was picking up underwear for Bob. "Who's Bob?" he asked. "Bob, my friend in the wheelchair." "Oh, okay." Neddy know I have a soft spot for the homeless.

Bob is 53 today. It's Pearl Harbor day. He has a long gray beard, long gray hair tied back in a pony tail. He has one leg and sits in a wheelchair with all his belongings tied to it.   He has soft green eyes, and would actually be a handsome man if he wasn't so unkempt. He's about the most positive man I've met. Despite the adversity, he sits there every day as the world walks by, talking to whomever will carry a conversation with him. When I ask, "How are you today, Bob." He says, "Keepin' positive! God is good." He has every reason to think the opposite. Just last week when it got to be so chilly, I asked him where he goes at night. He said that last night he spent the night on the floor of his friend's bathroom, and in his positive way said, "but it was indoors and out of the cold!" That's how Bob is. Always positive.

As I approached him today, he was talking to another homeless man who was standing close by. I watched as Bob counted out money from his cup and gave it to the man.   The man looked at me and said, "I'm hungry and just need some money for food...for a burrito." Bob was sharing his money with him, and I gave him the rest. I've seen this many times before on our homeless outreach. The sense of community and belonging of the homeless toward one another. After the man had left, I handed Bob the bag with his gift. I had wrapped his underwear six-pack in colorful paper and added a card. Bob looked inside the bag. "Aw ma'am, you remembered my birthday...and you even wrapped my present...and there's a card too? And you always remember my name. I appreciate that, ma'am, that you know my name."

Makes you think, doesn't it?    The little things are what matter. To someone who is "invisible" to the general populace, having someone know/remember your name is a big deal. Having someone even acknowledge your presence is special. And I suppose having them remember your birthday is just icing on the cake!

Happy Birthday Bob. May your life be filled with the beauty that you so easily see in all of us!

Epiphany at Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

Epiphany - noun - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely or commonplace occurrence or experience.

You know the final scene of Dickens' Christmas Carol, where Ebeneezer Scrooge, enlightened by the meaning of Christmas, opens his window on the village below and wishes passersby a Merry Christmas? Well, that's how it is for me this year with Thanksgiving. Upon leaving work yesterday, I was wishing everyone (and I mean everyone!) a happy Thanksgiving. I even hugged building security on my way out.

I have always loved Thanksgiving and the concept behind it. A day to give thanks to God for all our blessings. A day to enjoy the family. But this year is different. It's more than a "concept" and so much more than a day. In reflection of all that has happened, healthwise, this year - recovery from gallbladder surgery, colon cancer, breast cancer round two/mastectomy surgery, my brother's colon cancer - it's actually been a very BLESSED year and I am so much richer, more blessed, and in a better place for it. My heart is filled with joy, thankfulness, love, and compassion because of the experiences of this year.

Yes, we went through some tough times....BUT, today, on November 24, I am alive and well. Not only that, but I am thriving. This year, I saw my daughter graduate nursing school and move on to be a successful pediatric nurse. I have seen my son thrive in his job as a project manager. I have witnessed the love shared between my future son-in-law and my daughter and the respect and caring they have toward one another. I have known true love from my husband who has been there for me every step of this journey...and who worries about me. : )

I am blessed with a close family...that love and care for me. That are there for me. That support me, pray for me, cooked for me when I came home from the hospital. I am thankful for a mom that came over to take care of me, even when she wasn't feeling well herself....who loves to spend time with me, watch dr. phil, judge judy and oprah with me....and give me advice on what vitamins to take and what books to read. I am blessed with a closeness between my brothers and sister who send me sound clips of TV shows of the past - no brag, just fact - who text me to see how my doctor's appointments went, who buy me a bag of 36 popsicles when I just mentioned that "a" popsicle sounds good, and who share with me the stories of my nephews and nieces to put into perpective the beauty and preciousness of life.

I am blessed with a handful of true friends who are there for me through thick and thin. Who email me throughout my day, one or two sentences, to commiserate about how we wish were were home now, or to share our days - happy or nerve-wracking --, or send me funny photos at just the right time. : ) Who share crochet patterns with me, and laugh with me. Who reach out to the homeless with me and who work toward making the world a better place. Who rent a van and drive all the way out to Carpinteria, potluck in tow, to cheer my daughter and I cross the finish line after walking 39 miles for breast cancer. AND THEN...who sign up to walk those 39 miles with me next year! You have made my life better - every one of you.

I have another family - a church family - that I am grateful for. These are family members some of whose last names I don't even know. But it's not important. We're all part of a larger family. These are people that come up to me on Sundays, embrace me and ask how I'm feeling. And tell me that they have been praying for me. I know. I can feel it. I am humbled by them.

I am in tune as well to the blessings of my body and how it is working, despite it's problems. The coordination it is taking for my brain to put the thought into motion, typing it on my screen right now, seeing the words pop up, hearing the clicking of the keys while being able to hear Segovia play Mendelssohn's String quartet No. 1 in E flat major. Miraculous. Smelling and tasting the coffee. Feeling the warmth of my robe, enjoying the light in my dining room, and the love of my kitties that are "kuskurduvel"ing on against my legs.

I am thankful for all my medical providers, whose hands - guided by God - helped me be here today. My surgeons who removed cancer, re-routed me, created new parts for me -- I am truly grateful. And for the nurses who took care of me around the clock ....and even the workers that cooked the meals in the hospital, and those who came and cleaned my room. I appreciate them all so much more now.

I think I could go on and on...all day. The Epiphany of Thanksgiving...on this very special Thanksgiving, is that everyday is a day of thanks. The miracle of life is a blessing. Our hearts beating, day in and day out since the day we were born; the wonder of our bodies working on their own...breathing without our conscious effort. And the realization that we are not alone here...we all are part of one another. We belong to one another.

Life is precious and I am so blessed to live the life I do. A full life. A life filled with love and fullness because of so many who grace it.

It has been an amazing year! A Blessed Year! Happy Thanksgiving!

Team In Her Shoes - Walking Glendale

2011-11-19T22:50:00.000-08:00

It was a beautiful fall morning. The air was chilly and crisp, there were clouds teasing us of a chance of rain, but seven of us on Team In Her Shoes met at the Von's market in Glendale at the 134 to train. It was our very first training walk. We met between 7:00 a.m. and 7:15 a.m.

We are Team In Her Shoes. We're the sister organization of In His Shoes a group that rallies support for those who are suffering in the world. This year, we decided to sign up to participate in next year's Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Santa Barbara because we are putting ourselves in the shoes of those who are fighting the battle with cancers of all types, but namely, breast cancer.

We have 19 team members signed up to walk. And we have all committed to raising a minimum of $1800 for breast cancer. Raising the money is not as hard as training. The walk takes place over the course of 2 days, and we'll be walking 39 miles. We started off today in Glendale with the goal of walking 3.2 miles. It was a fun walk. We kept the pace and walked down and through the Americana and back up to the 134.

Along the way we stopped for photo ops at the new Armenian consulate building, and the Christmas tree at the Americana. It was a fun morning and a great way to start off a productive day.

Would you like to donate to team In Her Shoes? Please email me at anush@pomegranate-n-eye.com I'll be setting up our team donation page. Do you have a business that would like to sponsor our team? Would you like us to walk in honor or memory of your friend or loved one? We're here to do that. We are putting ourselves In Her Shoes!

Like us on Facebook: "Team In Her Shoes"
Find out more about In His Shoes outreach: www.inhisshoes.org

PMPS? Or What?

2011-11-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

You know the feeling of being bitten by an insect where you get that sting feeling followed by an itch? And then you have that terrible need to scratch? Now think of that same feeling, but imagine that your body was numb, so no matter how you scratch or try to remedy that the itch, it doesn't help, because the feeling is not caused by a bite on the surface of your skin, but by nerves that are damaged in your body. This is what I've been experiencing for the past 3 days. It's been rough.

Three days ago, I was woken up from my sleep by shooting nerve pains. The pain started at my incision site below my underarm but deep inside. It was so intense I didn't know what to do. Rubbing the area was futile. As hard as I rubbed, I still couldn't get relief since my incision areas and areas around them are numb. That first night the itching/stabbing pain lasted about 15 minutes. The next morning, it came back...on and off throughout the day for short bursts. By the following evening, I was wincing in pain. The attacks were lasting longer. Unable to sleep, I tried an ice pack, then icy hot, then arnica gel. Nothing worked. Motrin.... 800 mgs. No relief. I got up and tried to research the net. Googling "Terrible itching pain at incision site after mastectomy" I found a link describing my symptoms and a thread called PMPS or Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome. As much as I found relief in reading that others were having symptoms like mine, I am still concerned that this pain is going to be chronic. What I read stated that there was no "cure" and people were living with the pain. Up to 30% of post mastectomy women experience this, but the medical community often dismisses it because it's nothing that can be pinpointed, and there's no cure.

The following day, exhausted, I had to go to work. The pain was terrible, and throughout the day in my cubicle, I found myself applying pressure to my incision site....pushing, massaging, leaning forward in my chair. Trying everything possible to get it to stop. I called the doctor. "My appointment is not til the 23rd. But I'm having this terrible pain and I can't seem to get any relief. I wanted to call and let you know. The doctor had said that I did have some swelling at my last appointment and I still do. Is there anything I can take for the pain?" The receptionist told me she'd discuss it with the surgeon and get back to me. Fine. After an hour she called back. Nothing can be done. The doctor told me that as long as the breast was not red or hot to the touch, it was okay. Otherwise, I would just need to let it get better on its own. "The nerves have been cut, and they're regenerating." I mentioned what I had read about PMPS, but it was dismissed. "What if I don't get better?" "You will." :::shrug:::

Last night I was exhausted from pain, and lack of sleep. I tried the heating pad on the area. During the day I had my Rx for Norco refilled. And today I have been taking it around the clock. It seems to have helped a bit though it leaves my head wonky. I've also limited my caffeine as I read that it over stimulates the nerves and makes you more susceptible to the pain. The attacks are not as bad though they are still there. I've also been trying to stretch my arm out during an attack. In my thinking, I imagine that it's "stretching the nerves" that may be rebelling or pinched or unhappy.

I wanted to post this because this pain was completely unexpected...and not explained to me as a side effect of mastectomy. You think when you're post op, and healing that you're out of the woods...and then BAM it hits you. And from what I read, this can be experienced even a year or two (or more) after surgery. I also wanted to put PMPS out there, in case others are having these feelings/pain. There's not a lot of info out there, but we're not going crazy. That feeling of being wrapped in barbed wire is not in your head. It's in your nerve endings and very real.

I hope and pray that this will get better and that I do not suffer from this syndrome, but that I'm just healing. I'm still trying to figure it out. For now, the pain seems managed, and I'm going to try to get some sleep while I can.

Fall Seven Times -- (One Week Post Op)

2011-11-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

I went back to work this week -- Wait! It was only yesterday. Geez...okay, so you can tell how exhausting it's been....felt like Thursday. Thankfully, I don't have a physically demanding job -- I work at a computer all day -- but still, sitting in one place and dealing with work demands has been draining.

The drain site is still sore even though the drain is out. It's going to take time to heal. I am still heavily bandaged...and I always forget to allow extra time to my morning/evening routine. Changing dressings takes me an extra 10 minutes. I was told that there can be absolutely NO PRESSURE applied to the wound site, so I have layer upon layer of gauze stacked up to help me achieve this.
Tomorrow is my post op appointment with the surgeon. I'm curious if he'll remove the stitches. The Steri-Strips are still in place (they haven't fallen off yet like they said they would). We'll see.

Another big change has been that Ani has started working the night shift at Children's Hospital. This is going to be a "regular" thing for the next year. I'm so used to having her around. And now, when she's working, I don't get to see her but for an hour, when I come home and she's getting ready to leave. We are getting creative in our texting. I've been staying up late working on jewelry, and we'll send a text here and there at odd hours just to "check in". But the house is quiet now, and it's a big change for me. That, coupled with the darkness after the time change, and it's a bit gloomy. : (

That being said though, all in all, I am feeling optimistic. I have been thinking a lot about this past year now that we're just a couple months from the end of it. It's been a tough ride, and
I'm ready for the New Year to start. But I am also grateful. Yes, it's been a tough year...but I am alive! I made it through, and I'm still fighting! : )

"Fall 7 times - stand up 8." Japanese Proverb
That's it right there. Just keep on standing up! Keep fighting for what you believe in. Life is precious!

Rain, Drain and BlogWorld Again!

2011-11-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

It's November 4, just 3 days after surgery. Today was the BlogWorld Expo at the L.A. Convention Center, and DV, Suzie and I had planned on going prior to my surgery. It rained today and my brother didn't want me driving so soon after surgery, so he decided to come pick me up at the house and we'd go together. I'm doing well...for being only three days post op, there's been very little drainage and after a call to the surgeon's office it was decided that I could have my drain taken out today. This is a wonderful thing. The drain leaves my body right under my right arm pit....with tubing that continues to a Jackson Pratt drain that hangs from a clip attached to my waistband. Not only is it ugly, but it's very painful. So the idea that I can have this removed today is wonderful.

So first things first, the three of us checked in at the BlogWorld Expo. It's so much fun. We went around to all the booths learning about blogging, marketing, monetizing, promoting, and picking up great swag from tshirts, and back scratchers, to insulated cups...you name it. Belesh! "The Next Step with Fr. Vazken" Podcast was nominated for a People's Choice award for best religious podcast. As Suzie is the producer of the show and DV is the host, we were anxious to find out if they had won, but found out that the winners will be announced tomorrow (not today). Here they are relaxing at the SouthWest Airlines both at the convention center:

Blogger also had a cool photo booth where we took our individual photos. Here's mine:

After several hours of the show though, I have to admit that I was exhausted. My arms and shoulders were aching, and I was just pooped. We decided to drive out to Encino, closer to my surgeon's office and find a place to have lunch rather than staying around L.A. and risking the traffic. It was raining, and things were getting messy.

We had lunch together and then made it to the doctor on time. After a definite okay from the nurse, they removed my drain! I also have permission to shower now, rather than taking a sponge bath. More great news.

Hand bruised from three tries to get the
IV line started

Forearm is bruised as well....
another two tries there. Imagine, he wanted
to then try my neck!

I am still bandaged but healing okay. I'm still pretty bruised up from the whole IV line fiasco. I'm posting a couple pics so you get the idea. So I went to the doctor today, and the nurse removed my drain! Afterward, the doctor checked in on me. I showed him my bruised hands and arm and thanked him for not letting the anesthesiologist tap into my neck vein. He said, "Well, at least you have a sense of humor about it...I just didn't see why we couldn't use your bad arm for the couple hours we'd be in surgery." Okay by me!

I have a follow up appointment on November 9 -- next Wednesday, when hopefully, I'll get my stitches removed. Til then, just taking it a day at a time.

In Praise and Appreciation of My Mom

2011-11-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's day one of post-op. I got the call yesterday from my mom. "I'm coming over to help." I am blessed to have such a sweet mom. At 78, she has health issues of her own: arthritis in her knees, back and shoulder. Still, when her babies are hurting, she wants to be there for them. I had to admonish her this time, "Mom, I love that you're coming, but please, don't bring food!" Even though she agreed, I know that she's bringing something that she deems "healthy" for me. So maybe some fruit, or some Trader Joe's tomato/red pepper soup, some produce that she picked up at the Armenian market. She won't come empty handed. That's how she is.

My mom has always been there for me. She has been my mom, my friend, my prayer support. To this day, when we go to visit her, or drop her off, she stands at the door waiting for us to pull out of the driveway. I tell her to relax, we can show ourselves out, but she stands there so she can pray after us for a safe 3 mile journey home. I have to say there is comfort in this....as a mom myself now, I do the same when Ani leave for work every morning (really early...even on weekends!). I make her wake me to say goodbye. I stand at the door and say a prayer for her, for my son, for my family...that God keep them safe and wrap them all in the wings of His angels.

This year, with all my surgeries, we have had a lot of mother/daughter time as I have spent over 10 weeks off work recuperating from the cancers. This week I'm off 4 days. Our time together is good. I am more of a "peace and quiet" person...I like to read or listen to music. Mom is more of a TV person. She likes to fill me in on all the shows that I miss while I'm at work. This runs the gamut from The Doctors, to Judge Judy, Dr. Oz, Oprah (back when she was in her final series) and of course, Dr. Phil. For the time that I'm home recuperating, when mom is over, we have the TV on. It's always great to shut it off at the end of our time together...but don't get me wrong, when we are together, it's a change of pace for me as well and I love the time that we share talking through the show, predicting outcomes. I'm always the cynic when it comes to Dr. Phil and his advice, or Dr. Oz and his generalizations about how this/or that is good for the general populace. But she doesn't listen to me. She takes notes during Dr. Oz, and goes and researches the various vitamins. At 78, I have to say, she has taken a few falls and thank God, she hasn't broken anything (knock on wood!), so I'm guessing all the vitamins are working for her!

Then there are the books and magazines. My mom is an avid reader. She is usually reading a couple books at a time. These are either financial self help books, or biographies about anyone and everyone (Dr. Phil's wife, Winona Judd, and who knows who else.) When she finishes these books, she always brings them to me to read. I never accept them because I don't have time to read the books that I'm reading. But she tries. : ) She also brings over magazines with notes written on the cover as to what page the articles I should read are on. These articles range from news on refinancing our home (which we've been trying unsuccessfully to do), finances, health articles, breaking news about how chocolate is good for you, and how a handful of blueberries can help stave off cancer.)

So I'm sitting here, knowing that mom is coming over soon. And I'm so grateful and feel so blessed for the relationship that I share with her. Our time together is precious to me and I am blessed to have such a wonderful, warm and caring mom in my life. When she comes over, I'm going to share this with her...and I know that she'll get her "bunny nose" -- as we call it -- when she gets all choked up and her nose crinkles. She's the best. I love you, mom!

Surgery Part Two: Reconstruction

2011-11-02T00:33:00.000-07:00

It's a little past midnight. The wind is howling in Sunland this early morning rattling my doors. I've been napping on pain meds since I got home from outpatient surgery this evening and now I'm awake til the next dose kicks in. My day started at yesterday midnight when the doctor's orders were "nothing to eat or drink after midnight." Eating is not a problem; but no water or the morning coffee is a bit tougher. Still, I did okay, and made it to the Surgi-Center at New Age Aesthetic's - my surgeon's practice in Encino.

I met with the anesthesiologist who attempted to start my IV line. Attempted. I have only one good arm for this type of thing, and that one they can't use because of all the surgeries, lymph node dissection, and because the veins have been scarred beyond use from all the surgeries. Not wise to use it anyways, unless it's an absolute necessity. So SEVEN tries on the left arm. I have never had such an experience. I usually get the comments that my veins are very small...and they attempt my crook of the arm...and usually advance to the back of my hand. But this doctor tried 7 times. Two in the crook of the arm, three in the back of the hand, 2 in my underside of my forearm...and then gave me the option: Either we try in the neck (EWWWW!) or we try the right arm. All this time I'm praying for him to find a vein. I asked him to please call the surgeon in the other room, and ask him what he suggested. We opted for the back of the hand on my right, and thank God he finally found it. Needless to say my left arm is nicely bruised.

Then I had to be photographed...the "before" pictures. Humiliating. But because it's reconstruction from a medical point of view, it's required by the insurance. Okay. Then meet with the surgeon for markings. It's totally like the beginning of the TV series, Nip/Tuck when you see the doctor marking up the patient with dashed lines on the skin. He explained to me what he was going to do. I had a lot of hard scar tissue under my arm area where the incision was made 18 years ago for the lymph node dissection, and then more scarring on top of that from the mastectomy. He wanted to remove that a bit. Then some contouring to remove the necrosis (more hard areas), and then creating a nipple.

Then into the operating room where I was put in the usual "crucifixion position". Arms out to my sides and restrained. As always, in my head at this point...and at points throughout this whole cancer, I start reciting the 23rd Psalm in my head. This beautiful Psalm helped me get through my daily radiation treatments and brings me a lot of comfort when I need it most. I love the verse, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." It's beautiful.

Anyways, I woke up in recovery. My hands are still swollen from the IV fluids. And I DID have to have a drain, despite my positive thoughts not to get one. Hopefully it will come out on Tuesday. I have a lot more pain than I thought I would have. Especially in the exit point of the drain. Every time I get up from sitting, or lying down, it's a sharp pain. I have to empty the drain 4 x a day and log the drainage.

I am hopeful that this will be the last surgery for the year. For now, I'm just going to think positive, work on healing, and taking care of myself: mind, soul and body.

If you are dealing with breast cancer, reconstruction, etc, and need to ask questions, talk about it, etc. I'm here to help: write me at ahnoosh@ca.rr.com

On Being Honest

2011-10-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

My blog is evolving as am I. When I started out, the idea of Inside the Pomegranate was to promote my jewelry business, Pomegranate & Eye. So I wrote about jewelry, and occasionally about our homeless outreach to the streets of Skid Row. And then cancer happened, so I started writing about my feelings and dealings with colon cancer, and then breast cancer, mastectomy, reconstruction. And then there was the garden, and the illustrations.

Tonight is the eve of my 2nd reconstruction surgery. Tomorrow, my surgeon will finish what he started back in May. Surgery is on a good number line up day: 11/1/11 at 1:00 p.m. : ) It's outpatient. And then I'll be off work for the rest of the week. I am not afraid....I'm beyond that now. After undergoing so many surgeries this year, I'm okay with this one. But there is one thing that I'm dreading, and that's the "drain" that he said I "may" have to have after surgery. I'm going to try to think positive ....but that is really a big drag.

So back to the blog. I was thinking about all that I've written about, and all that has yet to be written. The cancer is almost over...and so are the illustrations. The garden is lying dormant til the Spring. But there is an issue that I've had to deal with my entire life and that is.....:::::drumroll:::: my weight. And just like I thought it would be good for me to "go public" with my cancer, I think there's a need for going public with the issues that keep the weight on. So here we are.

Over the course of the past two years, I have lost a lot of weight. Slowly, but it has come off. I've worked really hard at it...and now I'm at a point where I'm about 15 pounds from my goal, and I just can't seem to get that motivation. So I joined Weight Watchers online thinking that I would follow the program and be held "accountable" for my actions/food choices. So I started the plan and found that during the day, I was doing great. Logging everything that I ate, drank, etc. But the evenings were a different story all together. That's when the snack monster wakes up. But here's the deal.

It would be okay with me if I snacked and accounted for it. But what happened over the course of this first week is that I found myself "cheating" on my accountability. There would be nothing wrong with eating something if I wanted to eat it. But what's got me is that I gave in on a number of times, and didn't want to log it...or didn't want to be "honest" with how many points or what I ate. So what's that about? Why this need to be perfect to myself? I mean, no one else sees my food journal. No one in my household cares whether I have a cookie or not. Isn't the whole idea of writing down our intake so that WE have a look at what we're doing?

Anyways, you get the idea. It is really bothering me and so I thought I would work on it here, on the blog, and be honest with it. Do any of you struggle with this? If so, I'd love to hear from you. I am going to focus this week, on being honest with myself. It's going to be a tough one as I'll be home recuperating from surgery this week, so the temptation will be there. But so will you.

Taking Steps toward Fitness, Wellness and Fighting Cancer

2011-10-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this article with you from guest blogger, David Haas. It's about the benefits of fitness & eating healthy during and after a diagnosis of any kind of cancer. We all know that each type of cancer has its limtations, but if we can keep a healthy body, we have a better chance of overcoming this awful disease.

I was encouraged to post this, tonight especially, because I just returned from our Kick Off Meeting for Team In Her Shoes. Those in attendance saw the benefits of "getting up and getting our move on!" in order to help against the fight for cancer and enthusiastically signed up for the walk.

Although there are only a couple survivors on our team (me being one), we all discussed how cancer has touched ALL our lives. So we've committed to walking in next year's 39 mile Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. And we've committed to getting healthy along the way. It's a great combination: A great cause, a commitment to eat right, and MOVE! A win/win! There are, at this time, 15 of us signed up for Team In Her Shoes! I am blessed to be in the company of such caring and compassionate women and men.
Here is David Haas' article! Feel free to leave your comments!

Exercise and Fitness for Cancer Patients

If you are suffering from cancer or undergoing cancer treatment, it is crucial that you keep working your muscles as much as possible. Usually cancer patients require a lot of bed rest and this can weaken muscles, stiffen joints, cause breathing problems, and result in mental changes.

That National Cancer Institute recommends moderate exercise, such as walking every day for 30 minutes, as it helps reduce fatigue, pain, nausea, diarrhea, anxiety and depression associated with the treatment and disease. Exercise also helps to enhance mood, reduce the chances of recurrence, and helps to increase survivability. However, before you embark on an exercise routine, consult your oncologist.

The oncologist takes into account the patient's fitness level before the diagnosis, the current energy levels, the type of cancer the patient is suffering from and the treatment he/she is undergoing before developing an exercise regimen. To start with, the exercise can be just simple stretching exercises that help to exercise joints. These can be performed in bed by the patient without help from someone, or by the caregiver. Gradually, as the patient feels stronger, the exercise may get more vigorous, such as walking, swimming or cycling. Exercise also helps cancer patients combat the side effects of cancer therapies and increases the feeling of well-being. However, the patients should not overexert themselves or they risk other complications.

Whether a patient is suffering from breast cancer or an uncommon disease like mesothelioma, exercise will benefit that person in different forms.

It is best to start exercising as soon as possible after cancer diagnosis and treatment. Studies show that cancer patients tend to slow down after diagnosis. Fatigue, depression, anxiety and feeling nauseated from the disease or treatment make patients less active. And, most patients end up leading a sedentary life. However, to combat these side effects of the disease and treatment, exercise is a must; and it also helps in the recovery process.

Since every patient is different, a different set of exercises is recommended. Cancer survivors benefit from weight training and aerobics, while cancer patients should try doing flexibility exercises initially before moving to more vigorous exercises. It is best to opt for activities that you enjoy and it may also help to exercise with another person, who has the same fitness level as you. Working with an exercise buddy will help keep you motivated.

However, if fatigue overtakes you, it is advisable to rest for some time rebuilt your energy levels. Then attempt to do the exercise again, but slowly.

While the benefits of exercise for cancer patients are immense, it can also result in strains, soreness and sprains. So, be careful while doing the exercises. At the same time, no patient goes through cancer treatment to spend time lying on the bed. Talk to your oncologist today and set an exercise regimen that you can do every day, or at least 5 days a week.

Be Mindful of What You Pray For

2011-10-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

If you're on Facebook, you know that for the past several weeks, I've been diligently working on completing a series of illustrations for a children's book -- a commission from the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church in New York.

I am welcomed by my church family

I've always wanted to be an illustrator for children's books. My degree is in illustration. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to be an illustrator, my ability to "self-promote" and market myself was terrible. And so the years went by and I, like all to many, have ended up doing all sorts of jobs to pay the bills. My current job has me working in the field of excess and surplus lines insurance. Prior to that, I was a teacher; a medical transcriber, a court reporter's transcriber, an interpreter, a bookkeeper, a retail store manager.....and then always on the side I've done my art, jewelry and crafts.

This is the frustrating thing. Art is my passion. Helping people is my passion. But there are bills to be paid as well as a mortgage. As grateful as I am for my job, I always feel like I don't belong. My work environment is very nice, and I work for and with very nice people. But it's not me. So one day last year, during a particularly stressful lunch hour, I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes and said a prayer that went something like this:

I light a candle

"God, I'm thankful for the ability to work...and for my job. But I'm feeling so down. You know that I love to be creative. Please help me to find a way...a creative outlet ...where I can do my art and bring Glory to You through it."

That was pretty much it. I went back work, and few weeks went by. And then one day I received an email. It was from the head of the Department of Religous Education at the Eastern Diocese. They were wondering if I was the same person they had met 15 or so years earlier who did illustrations. I flashed back years prior when I had gone to a Sunday School conference. At the time I was teaching Sunday School, and our guest speakers were going to be two women from the Eastern Diocese who were going to talk about the new curriculum that our diocese was also using. I remember taking my portfolio with me back then in the hopes that they might have work for me. I met with Elise and Nancy, and showed them my illustrations. They loved them, but "Unfortunately, we just redid all our books." But they kept my samples.

I kneel

Flash forward and there I was reading the email. Elise said she had tried to find me, but didn't know how. (I had remarried with a name change, changed my address, phone, etc.) But just by chance, there was a Californian who was working in her office, and she recognized my past-married name on the sample and said, "I think I'm friends with her son on Facebook." She emailed my son and got my email address...and the rest is history. The illustration job is for a toddler's book -- one that will be kept in the pews of the various churches for children to read during church. They show panels of a child's view of Armenian Orthodox church.

Could my prayer have been answered in any better way?

I pray

I started the illustrations last year. And then, over the course of the year with all my health issues (gallbloadder surgery, colon cancer, breast cancer..etc.) I had to take a break. Just a month ago, we revisited the project and decided that the "end of October" would be a good deadline for Christmas publication. And so the clock is ticking. It's actually good timing as I'll be having the second part of my reconstruction surgery on November 1.

I often think of this course of events....my prayer, the way I was found, the fact that my illustration samples were even kept all those years. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in prayer. I believe in sincere requests. And I believe that all things will happen not in our time but in God's.

Here is a look at my illustrations so far. There are 12 year...I have 3 to go:

I sing

I smell the incense

I recieve the Kiss of Peace

I receive a blessing

I give my gift

I receive Holy Communion

I kiss the Gospel

I make the sign of the cross

A Health Update

2011-10-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to loop you all in since I've been public about my breast cancer so far. The second part of my reconstruction is scheduled for 11/1/11 (great number line up, no?)...would be pretty cool if surgery was at 11:11, but not so...but maybe 1:00 p.m?

So the appointments are going to start up again, for blood work up, EKG, history and physical, surgical consult. Ooooofffffff!!! Too many appointments.

This surgery will be outpatient at the office of my plastic surgeon, Dr. Saul Berger. I'll go in on a Tuesday, and be off the rest of the week. I am hopeful that this will be my last surgery for the year!

One of my favorite passages from the bible, Psalm 23, says, "Yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me....."

It doesn't say, "though I walk around it...." or "though I skip it altogether..." but we walk through it. Together.

From one apex to the other is always a valley.
Sometimes you have to go through things and not around them.
Something to think about.

A Song, a Dance, and a Blessing

2011-10-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

This past Monday evening was our monthly homeless outreach to the Skid Row area of downtown Los Angeles. I think we're in our fourth year of the project now: feeding and clothing our friends that are down on their luck. Over the course of the past year, we've noticed more and more people living on the streets.

Each of us that attends has our own stories to tell of our experiences. Since we are spread out between the three cars that we take, we each hear the stories of those that wish to tell it; that is, if we wish to listen.

"We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon." Konrad Adenauer

On a dark street, we were passing out soup. We had a lot of clothing this time thankfully, so we were able to provide warmth right before the cold weather. It's raining today, and I'm thinking of our friends out on the street. I hope they are staying dry. As I was handing out water and snacks, this very nice looking older gentleman came up to me. I asked him if he could use some snacks, maybe some soup, dry, for the next day. He was appreciative, taking the soup and snacks in a bag for later. He gave me a sweet smile and said, "I am an artist. You should check out my YouTube video. Singing. That's the talent that God has given me." I was interested and asked his name. "My name is Octive Fellow Soul." He spelled Octive for me. : ) He told me he was homeless and trying to get discovered. He told me to check it out again. "My name is Octive, I'm a fellow, and I have soul!" And he turned a corner and was gone. So I came home and checked it out, and to my surprise, there were several videos of this Octive. All taken by people who he had come across in the street, from L.A. to New York. All taken by people whose lives he had touched to the point that, like me, they wanted to put it up on the web and share it with others. Watching this video brings me joy. Here is a man who is given a talent and despite the bad breaks in life, despite the fact that he has no home, he is staying positive doing what he loves best. Singing, entertaining. So here is my friend Octive (as seen on YouTube) singing Goody Goody.

The evening wore on. People were truly grateful for us being there. At one stop, Suzie helped a woman who was challenged trying to keep herself clean while living on the street. She was self-conscious and concerned about her hygiene. I imagined the difficulty of that - going from having a bathroom and a shower in my home, to living on the street where the only place you could go to bathe would be the local shelter.

Our final site was the most crowded. Imagine pulling up to a street where people are living on the sidewalk, some in tents, others in boxes, still others on just the concrete itself. There are people that know the ropes, and there are those that are learning. As soon as we pull up, the people come up to the cars. We yell out, "HOT SOUP! WATER!", the tailgate opens, the thermoses come out, and people line up. I end up handing out snacks and water to those that are waiting, while the others serve the soup, or fit people with clothing and shoes, blankets, etc.

I noticed this one man sitting on the sidewalk. He was wearing some shorts and a tshirt. He had no shoes. He was barefoot, but was airing out his socks. He sat there staring into space. When I approached him with some hot soup and water, he seemed confused. He didn't speak English and tried to tell me something in what sounded like Korean. I didn't understand but motioned to the clothing car where he could get clothing. He brightened up as if he remembered something he could say to me in English..."Ayana kissue" He was smiling! I want to kiss you? Is this what he was saying? He was smiling and started following me to the car. Okay Awkward...I jokingly turned to him and said, "Uh, no thanks!" He sat back down to his soup. A few minutes went by and I went to get him a pair of socks. I put it down next to him. The light went on. He nodded.

Over the next 15 -20 minutes, we tended to many many people. The clothing car was super busy as people were in need of warmer clothing now. By the time were were about to leave that site, I looked at my friend on the sidewalk. Was it the same man? There he was....Dancing! He was so happy! He had received a pair of jeans, socks, a pair of nice black shoes, and a new shirt. Not able to contain his happiness, he was dancing in place, showing us his new outfit.

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Pierre Chardin

There are many stories like this. So many lives that are in need. And so many that just need a connection. Someone to talk to. Someone to share their talents with. Someone who will listen. We've been doing this for years now and it never gets old. The need is so great, and not only for the homeless but for us who need to be there because it helps us to walk in their shoes. We don't approach our homeless brothers and sisters out of pity, but as a sense of family and of community. We are all related in this family called humankind.

"Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us." Francis Bacon

In the Presence of Love

2011-09-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about being present lately. This is what I think about throughout the day...while driving especially: If we believe that God is omnipotent (which I do), and omniscient - possessiving unlimited and infinite knowledge, then we can conclude that God is present right now. Like, right this moment. And it's not just a one-way street. If God is present right now...then WE are also in God's presence. All the time. So am I doing my best to be present in front of God? I think about my days: home, work, errands, home, dinner, dishes, running here and there. How present can I be when I'm so harried and rushed. I need to take time to deliberately s-l-o-w d-o-w-n....and be present.

And then, if we believe that God is Love (which I do). Then Love is omnipotent and omniscient. Love conquers all. This explains "Good will always prevail over evil". Because if God is Love; Love is omnipotent and infinite. Therefore, good will always prevail because evil is finite. Am I doing my best to convey God's love to others - always? Am I present in Love?

This is something that I'll continue to work on. Conveying love through action.

"Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words." St. Francis of Assisi

When Has it Ever Not Been Crazy?

2011-09-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

With the Avon Walk behind me, I thought, "Now I can settle down and finish up the illustrations!" I have this illustration job that started late last year, and then with the gallbladder surgery, colon cancer, breast cancer issues of the past 8 months, everything with that has been put on hold. Until this week. After talking to Elise, the head of the Department of Religious Education for the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church, we decided that if the book (a childrens book about what goes on in Armenian Orthodox church from a child's perspective) is going to be ready in time for Christmas, then I need to have the illustrations done by the end of October. EEeeeeppps!!! That's only a month and some change away!

So here it is, Saturday morning. I got the house in some semblance of order ...sort of. And now I'm getting ready to figure out what I'm doing. The illustrations, organizing team In Her Shoes, Pomegranate & Eye (the jewelry business), day job, family, and the upcoming second part of my reconstruction surgery - which will take place on 11/1/11 (nice number line up, for sure!)

For the past month, it seems that I have just had such a lack of energy. I mean, yes, we trained for the avon walk, miles and miles of training, and then the intensity of the weekend. But I mean, other than that. I've always been one to be "busy". My life is filled with projects, and burning the candle at both ends and in the middle too. Lately, though, it's been catching up to me, more so. I've had to come home from work and just "veg" out...laying down on my bed in the afternoon...sometimes even falling asleep. I've never ever been a napper.

But it's okay. I am thankful that I'm able to do what I can do. I realize that my life has always been crazy. And that's not a bad thing. Like the comment I received a couple months ago, it just means I have a very FULL life. And this is good. Life is good.

Soooo.....I am hopeful that I'll be able to get this illustration job done (prayers are appreciated). If I can get it done by the end of October...I won't have it looming over me when I have my surgery. There is a peace that I feel when I do get to sit and draw...and I get lost in time. It's just the effort of getting myself to sit and do it. Once I do, it's bliss. So today, in fact, right now, I'm going to sit down at my drawing table and work!

Team In Her Shoes

2011-09-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

It hasn't been a week since we walked in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. And although I haven't thought about going for a walk yet, it seems that all I can think about is that feeling we all got by participating in the walk. The hope. The energy. The positivity of a collective of concerned people walking toward a common cause.

As I told you all, the closing ceremonies were very emotional for me. It was only 4 months ago that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and there I was, at the closing ceremony, preparing to walk in with the 256 survivors who had participated that weekend in walking 39 miles! Some had been long-time survivors.  Others had chemo coursing through their veins! Some were just starting their protocol...others were waiting for test results. We were all survivors. It was so empowering.

I felt it. And my family and friends felt it too. And it was right after the ceremony that we decided to walk in next year's Avon Walk - Santa Barbara 2012. As a team. Team In Her Shoes. Seven of us signed up that very day! But I don't want to stop there. I know there are a lot of us out there who want to do it, but don't know if they can. Let me tell you -- You CAN!!

Last night, I set up a Facebook page. And we are setting up a registration meeting/team meeting on Friday, October 28. I have some venue ideas, and I'll announce the location as soon as I have a definite location; but for now, please mark this date and join us.

If you've ever thought about doing the Avon Walk, join us! Even if you feel like you're out of shape, but would like to "some day" be able to do it, join us! Maybe you're thinking, you'd like to, but the fundraising is daunting, join us!  The fundraising commitment per person is $1800 plus registration. BUT, walking with Team In Her Shoes, we'll do it together. We'll train together (we have a year!), we'll work on fundraising strategies, we'll get in shape, and we'll work toward a common cause....bringing an end to Breast Cancer and walking In the Shoes of those who are battling cancer!

What if you physically can't walk but you'd like to participate? We can use CREW members too! Crew members work the weekend of the walk at the rest stops, directing traffic, food service, security. We can have CREW In Her Shoes!  Many more men walked this year with us....why not. Did you know men can get breast cancer too? Yep! So think about it! Men, Women, Daughters, Sons, Sisters, Brothers, Friends, Family. Let's get a big group together and DO THIS!

Together we will have an amazing time. Together, we'll raise funds and awareness. Together every step of the way!!

Please save this date:
Friday, October 28, 2011
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Location: To be announced
You'll get more information, watch video, hear about the walk, learn about training....and meet the 2012 team members (and hopefully sign up to join us!!) The more the merrier!!

If you know of a person/business that would like to sponsor us -- our powerful Team In Her Shoes -- please leave me a comment or email me: ahnoosh@ca.rr.com

We're just starting up...and signing up!
Please "LIKE" us on Facebook: "Team In Her Shoes"

I look forward to meeting all of you. Let's walk together to make a difference. Let's be the change we'd like to see in the world. None of us is as powerful as ALL OF US!!

Photos from Avon Walk Santa Barbara 2011

2011-09-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

Opening Ceremony - 6:00 a.m. We're ready!

Here are photos of our amazing weekend at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer 2011. We walked 39.3 miles in two days. The photos are out of order, but I put captions. You'll get an idea of what it's like from them.

Basically, it's set up so that Friday evening, you check in at Event Eve. Turn in any last checks you may have received, take photos, get pumped up.

Day 1: Opening Ceremony - Walk 26 miles (full marathon) and spend the evening in the Wellness Village

Day 2: Walk 13 miles (half marathon). Closing Ceremony.

In between you make a lot of memories, feel the hope and love of those around you, and feel that you really can make a difference. Enjoy!

Getting started at 7:00 a.m. We were a sea of pink as far as the eye could see!

Lunch stop at mile 10.6. Sandwiches and a chance to sit!

Last year's cheerleaders returned. Their wives were walking again this year!

Ani at event eve, writing out her sign. I'm so blessed!

Our packs with the names we carry with us.

I'm a little slower in the morning than Ani. She's telling me to hurry and pack it up. We need to hit day two at 7:30 a.m.!

Event Eve photo....at check in

Tent City. New pink tents. This is where we sleep

Day 2 lunchtime. Assessing our wounds.

Killer blister.

Amazing celebration potluck picnic from my family and friends!

At closing ceremony with the other survivors!

Ani, comfy in her coccoon - Morning two

A hug from my baby sister!!

Still smiling at mile 39.3!!! At the finish line

The Walk of Hope

2011-09-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

We walked this weekend. And walked, and walked and walked some more. Went to bed in our sleeping bags stiff and sore, and got up and walked again...until we walked a total of 39.3 miles! We walked because we couldn't not walk. We walked for those who couldn't walk. We walked for those who are battling cancer now, those who are survivors. And we walked in memory of those who have lost the battle. We walked for the poor...those who can't afford health care and mammograms. And together, we raised $4.6 million.

It was emotional. And empowering. Just 4 months ago, I was diagnosed for a second time, with breast cancer. 18 years ago, when I received the first diagnosis, I thought someone had pulled the rug out from under me. I was 34, a mother of two. This time around, I knew I would make it. Sure, there's the initial fear, but I am so much stronger now. Back then, life was so uncertain. Now, I know that life IS uncertain and things can change from day to day. Life is fragile. But we deal with it. There are no guarantees. So we walk when we can. We try to make the difference. And we try to be the change that we want to see in the world.

This was a milestone year. Colon cancer, breast cancer, Ani's graduation from nursing school. We had to walk. It was a celebration of life. Of being alive, of being WELL. Not only physically, but mentally. We made it through. All of us. Together. Holding each other up. One day at a time.

The idea of the walk is to take your time. To learn the stories of those around you. To take it all in. Every walker has their style. Along the walk, you meet all kinds of walkers. Those that like to cheer. Those that need to talk every step of the way. The singers. Those that follow their group. There are those that need to be noticed, with outrageous costumes, and crazy wigs. And there are those that like to walk alone. Meditative and quiet. Ani and I are quiet walkers. We talk a bit, when there's something to talk about. We point out beauty around us - a pretty door, a beautiful flower, a perfect spider web. But we are just content to walk side by side in quiet. I love this.

We were a sea of pink. Some 1,800 of us. Mostly women, but men as well. All walking to make a difference. To fill a void, to remember a mom or a sister, a wife. We walked near a man who was walking for his wife....she was a 10 year survivor. She had walked as much as she could that day and took the shuttle back to the wellness village. But he kept walking. For her. We walked with a woman named Phyllis for a while. She told me she was walking, "slow and steady...at my own pace." I didn't want to invade her space, but then she opened up. "Y'know...in the South, during civil rights times, we would have to walk. We didn't have cars...we'd walk everywhere. It makes me remember." The walking connects us. We are all walking as one. A pink sign reads, "None of us are as powerful as ALL of us." We are powerful. A sea of pink.

At the Finish Line - 39.3 miles

There are hours that go by. That first day, we walked for 10 hours. I prayed while I walked. I was thankful for the day, for being well enough. Thankful for my family, my support system. Thankful for medical care. And thankful for those who walked in my shoes before I ever got diagnosed all those years back. For those that funded the research so that I can walk today. Yes, it was hard. After walking all those miles, you start to hurt. You know you have blisters, but you also know that if you take off your shoes, you'll never get them back on. So you walk through it. And pray. One foot in front of the other. And you remember. Like Phyllis, remembering the days of the past. I remembered my grandparents who were marched through the desert during the genocide and I called on their strength. I had a choice. They didn't. I could stop, but I didn't. We choose to walk. Because we can. Because we CAN'T not walk. It's the walk of Hope.

Even My Car Is Ready!

2011-09-15T19:57:00.001-07:00

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

A Piece of Candy and a Hug

2011-09-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who is homeless. He is wheel-chair bound, has only one leg, a long gray beard and soft green eyes that have a lot of kindness in them. Every weekday when I leave work, he is there on my way to the parking garage. He puts his cup out on the sidewalk and never asks passersby for money. Instead, he keeps track of who goes by and builds friendships. And because of this he is very approachable. Somedays I can put a dollar in the cup, other days it's just some loose change, or I'll hand him part of my lunch, but I will always stop and say hello and talk to him and ask how he's doing. And others do the same.

He's very complimentary, my friend. "Nice hair!" "You've got a kind heart." "That's a great color on you." Is it a survival mechanism? I don't think so. He is kind, centered, and has built community around him. He's the type of guy where, in the triple-digit heat when I asked him how he was fareing, instead of complaining he said, "I'm just thankful for the breeze." : )

Yesterday was not the greatest day at work. Yes, I got great news about the genetic test results, but my work day was tough, and as I approached my friend at the end of my day, I was in thought. I stopped to say hello and he asked how I was. I said, "Not every day can be a good one, but every day is a blessing." He thought about it and said, "That's very true. My grandma taught me that you should count your blessings every day." We talked a little, and he got excited like he suddenly thought of something. "Wait," he said, "I have something to make your day better!" He hopped up on his leg and started rummaging through various bags all attached to the back of his wheelchair. He said, "A lady gave me a bag of these and it's just the thing to make your day better." Finally he found it. He produced a small, bite-sized Milky Way candy. He gave it to me to improve my day. It was a small gesture from one friend to another...and then he gave me a hug.

You know what? He was right! It made my day. : ) And I don't even know his name...but today, I'll ask.

Small Test, Big Results!!!

2011-09-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

Just got the good news! I am NOT a carrier of the Breast Cancer gene! After a week of trying to get a hold of my doctor, she called today with the blood test results. "Your blood workup came back negative...and completely normal!" What a relief.

Since my bout with colon cancer, and then round two of breast cancer, my medical team has been advising that I get tested. My insurance approved it and off I went for what appeared to be a simple blood test. But this small test is HUGE...because it goes all the way down to the DNA level to see if you are a carrier of this mutation..not just in your recent family history, but way, way back. The American Cancer Institute says it this way:

A woman’s lifetime risk of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer is greatly increased if she inherits a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2. Such a woman has an increased risk of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer at an early age (before menopause) and often has multiple, close family members who have been diagnosed with these diseases. Harmful BRCA1 mutations may also increase a woman’s risk of developing cervical, uterine, pancreatic, and colon cancer (1, 2). Harmful BRCA2 mutations may additionally increase the risk of pancreatic cancer, stomach cancer, gallbladder and bile duct cancer, and melanoma (3).

The likelihood that a breast and/or ovarian cancer is associated with a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2 is highest in families with a history of multiple cases of breast cancer, cases of both breast and ovarian cancer, one or more family members with two primary cancers (original tumors that develop at different sites in the body), or an Ashkenazi (Central and Eastern European) Jewish background (see Question 6). However, not every woman in such families carries a harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation, and not every cancer in such families is linked to a harmful mutation in one of these genes. Furthermore, not every woman who has a harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation will develop breast and/or ovarian cancer.

According to estimates of lifetime risk, about 12.0 percent of women (120 out of 1,000) in the general population will develop breast cancer sometime during their lives compared with about 60 percent of women (600 out of 1,000) who have inherited a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2 (4, 5). In other words, a woman who has inherited a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2 is about five times more likely to develop breast cancer than a woman who does not have such a mutation.

As you can see, the ramifications of a positive test are many in nature. My main concern, of course, was the possibility of being a carrier and what this would mean for my daughter, my sister, my nieces. This is why it was/and IS so important to get tested if your doctor feels there's just cause. My father would say, "Knowledge is power." And I've always been one to want to know what's going on...especially within my body. Given my medical history of breast cancer at age 34, ovarian cyst (removed as precaution since I had cancer at a young age), gallbladder surgery, colon cancer and then breast cancer again, they doctors felt there was just cause.

But this story has a happy ending! I'm not a carrier. And I'm breathing a sigh of relief....for my daughter, for my future grandchildren : ), for my family. Life is good!

Healing from the Inside Out

2011-09-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in training for next week's walk, Ani and I mapped our course and set out to "Walk to Lunch" at our favorite coffee shop in Glendale - Foxy's. We live in Sunland. The route consisted of walking uphill about 3 miles (next week's walk touts 13 miles of hills), into La Cresenta, through Montrose and down into Glendale. One of the things about training for a walk is the hours of time it takes to prepare. Considering we're walking about 3.2 miles per hour, a 15 mile walk like this one consumes 5 hours of time. And Foxy's is 15.5 miles from our home. This to me is viewed as the downside. My Saturdays are my only "catch up" day...housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning.

We started our journey around 8:00 a.m. Thankful for the overcast weather -- a nice change from the triple digits of last week. Walking with one's best friend is always pleasurable. When that best friend also happens to be your daughter, it's a double blessing. And while we walked, we talked about her new job, what's going on at my work, what I need to get done on an illustration job I'm working on, health issues, family issues. All of it. This is the beauty of walking. It allows you to talk. To have more than a 140 character conversation....it takes time.

And while we were walking, I started thinking about how far I had come. I mentioned to Ani, "My surgery was only 4 months ago." Her response: "Yes. And you need to remember that!" So true. It seems like it's been a long time, yet, only 4 months ago, I underwent a mastectomy and reconstruction with a tram flap procedure. Not easy. And here I am, walking. I also thought about years past. I have always done the Avon Walks no matter what size I have been. I am doing it this year 72 pounds lighter than 2 years ago...about 15 pounds lighter than last year. And the difference in great. Less stress on my knees, less blisters while walking, less aches and pains, and the hills are not as difficult as they once were. I remember when I started on this weight loss journey almost two years ago. I had gone to see a nutritionist...and I had also gone to see a cardiologist who did some echo studies of my heart. I only lasted 9 minutes on the treadmill that day, and then I got to see my heart as it recovered from the stress. Seeing my heart there on the screen was an epiphany to me. And thinking about it today, I still get teary eyed. I was looking at this amazing organ in my body....beating, like it had beat for the past 50 years, every day, day in and day out, never stopping. And what had I done for it? Abused it. Neglected it. Ignored it. And yet it kept up. Beating. Giving me life. That was the beginning of the journey. After seeing my heart, I couldn't go back to my old ways and so huge lifestyle changes were made. Less food, more exercise, changing up the proteins vs. carbs.

And I am healing inside as well. We were talking about that yesterday. People are nicer to you when you're thinner. But I think that I am a nicer person as well. I am not as judgmental. Which I think was a defense mechanism for my judgment on myself...and others' judgment of me. I have walked in the shoes of the obese and entered the medical category of "overweight" now. (Believe me..this was a big milestone for me.) I think what happens is that when we are down on ourselves the guilt and shame that we feel for the lack of discipline in our lives, turns outward and turns into criticism toward others who seem to have it under control.

Today is 9/11. Everyday is a day of forgiveness in the life of a Christian. Today marks the 10th anniversary of a day that changed all our lives. I remember the months after that terrible day. We saw a more united America. There were flags flying, and the country banded together - an unstoppable force. As we "healed", those patriotic feelings dwindled, and now it feels as if the country is more divided than ever. In order to heal, we need to work from the inside out. We need to heal ourselves first -- abusing the system, neglecting our responsibilities, judging others. We heal from the inside out -- removing the log from our own eyes before seeing the speck in others. I have a lot of hope for this world and for our beautiful country. The lives that were lost on that tragic day will always be remembered. But in order to move on, we need to forgive. Forgive ourselves and others. Pray for our enemies. Pray not only for our country, but for the World which we are all a part of.

Why We Walk

2011-09-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

With the Avon Walk just 11 days away, we are gathering up the names of those that we are walking in Memory of....and in Honor of. Those who have lost the fight, those who are still battling, and those who have won. We write each name on a card that we attach to our backpacks for all to see...and we carry them with us each step of the way. We are honored to do this:

We are walking in memory of...
Diane Taschny
Tean Kech
Katherine Johnson
Mary Weaver
Mary Francis Sautell
Sossie Arpajian
Shakeh Arpajian
Ferdinand Sarkissian
Nora Svajian
Johnny Martin
Monica Beltran
Andrea Petker Brother
Josephine Greco
Ellen Yazejian
Haig Diradourian
Hrach Arzounian
Katarina Slatkovic
Danny Avejic
Sonia Stephanian
Mando Juarez
Pedro Arnold
Hilda Jubelt
Beth Pereny
Darakarouhi Zadoian
Alan Lowrey
Tio Jorge

In Honor/Celebration of
Chris Jakubowski
Janet Cicero
Stephanie Sajjadieh
Zabel Bahudian
Madline Tatoyan
Sue Bugsch
Irene Sazar
Laurie Byerly
Margie Scott
Arpine Jarlekian
Jenny Boranian
Cory
Brian Sellers
Dianne Friend
Rodger Brennan
Taleen Petrossians
Jim Lione
Deegeen Nvart
Suzy Jones
Maria Wulf
Margureite Vigorito
Adrienne Krikorian
Carolyn Perkins
Caroline Tellalian
Richard Jouroyan
Paul Tallis
Leo Francone, Jr.
Jane Leaphart
Maggie Zariani
Miss Jenny Smith
Rima
Anna
Ojik Golanian
Grace Balayan
Tamar Apelian
Nanejan Hacopian
Elisabeth Kronauge
Vazken Movsesian
Anush Avejic

Who I Am

2011-09-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

I just heard a promo for a new podcast with Linda Zadoian called Compass, part of epostle.net's programming. And in this promo, Linda describes some of the different facets of her identity. This morning, while I was walking, I was thinking about who "I" am. What is important to me as far as my identity is concerned, and what is not. Here's a list.

I'm a Christian. A woman, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter (though my grandparents aren't around anymore. ) I am a step-mom.
I am a wife, a friend, a confidente.

I am a breast cancer survivor. I am a colon cancer survivor. I am just a survivor....of life and all it's bumps and messes.

I am a shoulder to cry on. I am a hugger. I am a lover of mostly everyone. I am someone that sees good in others.

I am an artist. I am a jewelry maker. I am creative and crafty. I am an illustrator, and a painter. A sketcher. A musician.

I am a reader. And a thinker - though sometimes too much. I am an observer -- noticing the little details in my surroundings and in people.

I am a gardener - though not always a successful one. Still, I am a gardener and a planter of seeds with a hope for sprouts and for a harvest.

I am a cry-er at movies, and sappy commercials. And at things that break my heart...like hungry and abused children and homeless people, and genocide and war. I am caring and compassionate.

I am a believer...in love, in goodness, in kindness, and good prevailing over evil. And in prayer.

I am a fighter. I am strong. I am healthy (until I'm not...but for now, thank God, I am!) I am an optimist. I am fearless. And I am brave.

Walking against the Current

2011-08-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

Since the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is only three weeks away, our weekends are consumed with getting in long distance walks. It's been in the triple digits here in Sunland/L.A. area, so this past Sunday we woke up at 6:00 to head out to Pasadena to walk the Rosebowl a few times.

When we started walking, it was still early, and there weren't too many people out. Still, it was Sunday, and despite the heat, and the chance to sleep in, there were people getting their morning exercise. The beautiful thing was that there were all shapes, sizes, colors and ages of people there. Walking, running, cycling, skating. Some walking dogs, some walking each other.
I'm a people watcher and I've noticed that there are some categories that most walkers fall into:1. The physically fit: these beautiful people are in the skimpiest of shorts, and exposed to the world. They run like gazelles. Tan bodies that don't giggle. (I've never been one of this group...but if I were, I'd flaunt it too!)
2. The ones that are trying to get into shape....(my category). These people come in all kinds of shapes from super large, to extremely thin....and we're all out there trying to get healthy. Ani and I, we just walk. But there are those that wear sweatshirts, even garbage bags, trying to sweat "it" out...whatever it is. There are chubby moms with chubby kids trying to get healthy together.
3. Young moms and dads with their strollers. I saw a lot of really fit moms...and some not so fit, but with those fancy strollers. Jogging with their babies.
4. The individualists: This group sticks out, but they want to stick out. We saw a woman with a Hendrix-size afro, snow boots, and leggings, plugged into her mp3, singing loudly to the world as she walked. Then "the Mountain Man" with his massive whiskers and hiking boots; the flourescent-clad foreigner group...anyways, you get the picture.
and then there's my favorite group of all....
5. The senior citizens. I love seeing them out walking. The women are so beautiful and so "no nonsense". They are out there to walk...to visit with their friends while walking. They have learned life's lessons and are up and moving. They are such an inspiration to me. The men are there too. Walking either with the women, or with their friends. Joking, getting their exercise. There's this really cool guy too....he reminds me of an old bulldog looking drill sargeant. He wears a flashing red light around his neck and a hat, and in the course of our walk, we pass him several times. I asked him Sunday how many times around he goes around. "FIVE times every day." That's 15 miles a day. What an inspiration!
Sadly, I compare this group of seniors to my own mom who doesn't walk because she believes she cannot. It's just easier not to. Her arthritis and severely swollen feet, make it difficult, BUT, she can, and should. But chooses the easier path. And sadly, the less she does, the less she will be able to do. My orthopedist told me the same thing, "Use it or lose it" was the admonishment when it came to my arthritic knees. So I walk....and I remember the lyrics of Neil Young's song...to paraphrase, "It's better to burn out, than to rust." I'd rather burn out trying, than to rust not trying my best. And hopefully, one day, when I'm a granny, I'll still be out walking the bowl.

Okay, so all this being said I came to another observation. The first lap around I saw a sign I had never seen before. It was a graphic of a walker, with an arrow pointing in the direction that walkers are supposed to walk. I had never seen it before. And not surprising was the fact that we were walking in the opposite direction. Grant it, we weren't the only ones walking our way...but I realized that if we were all walking in the same direction - following the directions -- we wouldn't see even half of the people that were out there on that beautiful morning. We'd only be confined to walking with those that walked at our same pace or that passed us by (or that we passed). Yet, walking against the current, you got to see almost everyone at some point or another as you passed them by. I think my life is so much richer for going against the current. Not just at the Rose Bowl, but in general.

Approaching the Weekend - Tired!

2011-08-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't feel so tired. It all hit me yesterday after my first day back to work. I had gone camping with Ani, my sister and her two girls and my friend Nancy. Our all-girl camping trip. That was Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday I had the day of doctor's appointments. And yesterday it was back to work. By the time I got home yesterday, I felt that I had the energy just sucked out of me. And today, I'm just tired and dragging.

That's the difference between pre- and post-cancer. I feel like I'm well. My scars have healed. I even feel like my insides are making progress. Thankfully, I don't have any treatment going on for my breast cancer. But despite all this, I find that my energy is just not where it used to be.

I'm almost 4 months post op from my mastectomy and tram flap procedure. The doctor, today, gave me the okay to expand my exercise from "just walking" to some light cardio and arm work. Still no abs, no tummy stuff. No pulling or stretching that area. Still, I'm grateful for this much so I can work my geloid arms again.

I brought this fatigue up to the doctor. Am I supposed to be so tired so far out from surgery? Well, she said, if it was just one surgery, maybe....but I've had three major surgeries in 6 months. I guess it's just catch up time.

If I could just put everything on hold and get some quality rest it would be one thing. But there's so much going on in my life. I have these illustrations for a children's book that I am commissioned to do. I need to work on those and try to meet a late October deadline. There's the jewelry business. The homeless outreach. Church. Family. The day job. And the bills. It gets overwhelming. But....and this is a big one....I am alive to do these things. And I am relatively well and healthy. I guess I should stop complaining, no?

A Day for Doctor's Appointments - progress update

2011-08-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my Doctor's appointment day. I took the day off work to schedule all my appointments in one day and get them over with. There were some glitches with insurance authorization, and wrong coding, but I made it through. It was exhausting. Here's the update on my health both with my breast cancer and general health and weight loss.

Appointment 1: Genetic Testing for the BRCA gene. My insurance approved me for genetic testing after my second time with Breast Cancer and given that I had also had colon cancer. The test is very important because it determines if you are a carrier of the breast cancer gene or if your cancer was just some random fluke. The test is nothing more than a blood test, but they test down to your DNA so the lab work up is quite extensive. I will post the results as soon as I'm made aware, but I don't know who will contact me with them. My primary doctor or my oncologist.

Appointment 2: Consultation with the surgeon for post op check and to discuss part 2 of the breast reconstruction. Everything went well. Doctor B was really happy with my progress. I have been feeling "thicker" around the waist/rib area. He said this was a natural byproduct of the tram flap procedure but said as far as results go, I was doing really well. We discussed the reconstruction. I have an area of scar tissue (near the right outer side of the reconstructed breast), and I have an area of necrosis (less circulation of blood flow so causes a hardened area) on the right inner portion. During the time of the reconstruction, he will cut around the old incision site (areola) and reshape the necrotic area. The scar tissue will remain. And then he will create a nipple. This is all going to happen some time in October, which is good for me. I'll be done with the Avon Walk, and it's before the holidays. It's an outpatient procedure and will require 2-3 days out of work. I asked about drains. Will I have to have drains? (Hate those!), but he said it was doubtful, but not an impossibility. So I'm keeping my fingers cross. He will dictate the report and we'll wait for insurance approval.

Appointment 3: My regular doctor. Check up. I wanted to talk to her about my weight. I have been working very hard for almost 2 years now on weight loss. I had lost 92 pounds...and then once I had my tram flap surgery, I couldn't exercise, bend, etc. Basically all I did was sit around recuperating....and, well, eating. And the pounds started creeping back. So I'm 18 pounds heavier than I was. Despite all the walking in training that I'm doing, eating right, etc...the pounds are just at a standstill. So I wanted her input. I love Dr. M. She said I may have been thinner back in February, but I was also at that weight because I had been sick with gallbladder issues etc...and to not be so hard to myself. She was very happy with my progress and the fact that I had been maintaining (I wish I were as happy). We decided that I would need to be more disciplined, and write down everything I ate. She asked, "Could it be that you're taking more than you think?" Anything is possible. :::shrug::: I'm walking a lot...so the exercise is not a factor. But she suggested that I ask Dr. B if it's okay to go back to my yoga class or to the gym. Anyways, the plan is to write it all down and try to cut back 200 calories daily...and then reassess in 4 weeks' time. I also have general fatigue from everything. I get tired more readily just doing what I used to do normally. She said this was due to having 3 major surgeries in 6 months. Okay. I get it.

After three appointments (and no coffee in the morning), I was exhausted. Special thanks to my daughter Ani for coming with me. She always makes the worst situations better.

Los Angeles Most Valuable Blogger Nominee

2011-08-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was really surprised when my friend Iris let me know that I had been nominated for LA's most valuable blogger. I'm very humbled...and honored. My blog, Inside the Pomegranate, started out as a vehicle for my creativity with my illustrations and jewelry, but after getting diagnosed with breast cancer again, after 18 years I thought I would "go public" with my cancer. I know when I first got diagnosed as a 34 year old mom with young kids, I had a lot of questions. But the questions were entirely different for me, as were the emotions and decisions now that I was facing a mastectomy and tram-flap reconstruction.

My blog was an outlet for me as I was going through my surgery, and then my recovery. And even now, as I'm facing the second portion of my reconstruction, I have new "stuff" to deal with -- which will be coming soon as I go back to the plastic surgeon next Wednesday.

Anyways...if you would, please click on link below - Daily - until September 9 and give me your vote. I am very appreciative of all your support. Oh, and if you're not already subscribed please click on the "follow my blog" on the right side of the page.

Wishing you much good health, happiness and joy in your lives always!

Click here:
http://losangeles.blogger.cbslocal.com/most-valuable-blogger/blog/1356-inside-the-pomegranate/#.Tk1qpXsvT3G.blogger

In Praise of Sunflowers

2011-08-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

It always blows me away how beautifully intricate sunflowers are. Typically we see the sunflowers that are sold at farmer's markets or florists, but homegrown sunflowers are different. Out of a small 1/2" seed, grows this 10 foot tall flower. The seeds on this one aren't developed yet, but I love looking at the pattern in the center. My eye makes rings out of the little seeds. I love how the petals are kind of floppy. Like those long, skinny, balloons, they are twisted and soft. I also appreciate how this flower does so much for so many. You can see the holes in the leaves. The ants love to climb the fuzzy stalk and eat the tender part of the leaf. As the flowers mature and the seeds develop, the birds come around...and so do the squirrels. Last time I grew sunflowers, I came home from work to find them all toppled. The squirrels, in trying to reach the seeds, had climbed and pulled them down. The good part was they had knocked the seeds out, and into the ground. They had planted themselves that year, and come springtime, I had new sunflower seedlings.

As sad as it is when they are finally "gone", it's a beautiful thing. This beautiful flower supplies me with so much joy in its majesty. They are always my favorite (and most successful) thing to grow in my garden.

At Least There are Sunflowers

2011-07-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a long while. I've gone back to work, back to jewelry making, I'm starting to go back to my drawings now, and life in general. I've been walking....and walking....getting ready for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer which is now only 50 days away. Eeeps! You know that Ani graduated, but since my last writing, she has taken her NCLEX (nursing license exam) and passed and is now a full R.N. My son Nareg turned 30 - a wonderful occasion to see how my little boy has grown into a man (and a kind, compassionate one at that!) I really have a lot to be thankful for. But then there's the garden.

There's a lesson to be learned here, and I'm trying to figure out what it is. Remember how adamant I was about digging and getting the garden ready before my surgery? That was a little over 3 months ago. I worked for a week, digging and weeding, turning in new soil and planting. It was all set. And for a while it was good. The peas did well (see previous blog posts), and I harvested quite a bit, but the weather got warmer and the plants maxed out.

But what about the other stuff? The tomatoes, the squash and cucumbers? The peppers and green beans. Pffffffffttt! I don't know what happened. Whereas my sister Susan is sharing mammoth sized zucchini with me, I have not had one. My coworkers are bringing in bumper crops of tomatoes, I have maybe picked a handful of golf-ball sized thick-skinned tomatoes. I had one really good green pepper...and just picked two half sized red ones (I left them on the plant thinking they'd get bigger...they just got red...:::shrug:::). One eggplant. One small yellow squash. No cucumbers. I have watered and weeded, and put in my time. So what's up? No clue. I do know that I have a possum that comes out at night and if I don't harvest my tomatoes in time, he'll help himself to them...but that's not it.

What I DO have though, are sunflowers. They are just getting ready to bloom. I had planted them around the border of my garden (so they wouldn't block the sprinkler spray and deprive my veggies of water). They are magnificent. Tall and strong, turning their faces toward the sun. A reminder of God's beauty and artistry.

I have an army of them. A source of joy when I go out and look at my otherwise failing garden. I have been thinking about this lately, because yes, I am disappointed with my garden...but how can I be when I have something so amazing right there in front of my eyes?

And I thought about what I've been through over the past several months. Before being diagnosed, I had worked on getting healthy. Losing weight, eating right, exercising. I had put in my time to make myself a healthier person. Despite all this effort, I was diagnosed first with colon cancer, and then with breast cancer. I underwent surgeries. I recuperated. I followed doctor's orders. And I, thank God, am well. I may not be "thriving" yet...but I'm doing okay. Giving off a tomato here, and a pepper there (metaphorically speaking, of course.) But still, I'm doing okay, y'know? But oh, the SUNFLOWERS! They're the blessings in my life: my children, my family, God's presence, my ability to help others, compassion, peace, and love. They are more than thriving. They are starting to BLOOM. This is what is bringing me JOY.

I am thankful for all the parts of my garden. The ability to even have a space to have a garden. The strength that I enjoy to work in the garden. The blessing of having clean water in pipes that flow to water my garden. And even for the disappointments of failed crops. And I'm definitely thankful for the SUNFLOWERS! Reminders of God's presence in my life and the gifts that I am so richly rewarded with.

Just a General Catching Up

2011-07-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

The year is half over, and time is speeding by. After my last post, I was thinking about the ordinary everyday things which, thankfully, life is full of. A lot has gone on since my last post, but there haven't been any major milestone events...so I thought I'd just do a general catching up and share what life has been like.

Healthwise: I continue to heal and get stronger. I'm walking now, 3-4 miles a day (about 5 days a week). This weekend I am upping that to 5-7 miles. We're training for the Avon Walk in September where we need to walk 39 miles in two days. So walk we shall....to toughen up the tootsies. My entire abdominal area and new breast are still numb. This past Saturday we were at the beach. I was sitting in my sand chair and thought I'd lie on my tummy for a while. WRONG. I don't know why I thought I could do it. I guess it felt so "normal" to be spending the day at the beach. One flip on the tummy and I knew it wasn't a good idea. Just a little reminder that things are still healing inside.

My last doctor's appointment went well. Scar tissue on the side near the underarm....nerve damage from the lymph node dissection so still no feeling in the upper underside of my arm, but generally, things are healing well. Admonishments for "no lifting", "no yoga," and "no ab exercises". The tram flap scar is healing well. We will complete the second part of the breast reconstruction in late August as an outpatient procedure.

I've been doing a little work around the house. I've always wanted to create a living space on my front porch, and this past weekend made that a reality. We bought a couple yellow adirondack chairs, and I potted plants in colorful planters and picked up a little table, and voila, we have a place to sit, read, have coffee, relax on the weekends or warm evenings.

The garden is growing. I've added butternut squash, roma tomatoes, nasturiums, more green beans. I've been picking handfuls of chinese peas daily. The weather is almost too warm for them to continue, but the vines are over 5 feet tall. That's amazing considering I planted them prior to my surgery, only 8 weeks ago.

On the Pomegranate & Eye front, some exciting news! I ordered a kiln! Yep, after months of researching what type of kiln and what type of capability, I bought a Paragon SC2 with a bead window (so I can expand to beadmaking at some point).
The new kiln will enable me to work in copper and bronze metal clays. Along with the kiln I ordered the clays, and tools I'll need and some supplies. I'm really excited about it and can't wait til they deliver.

Many of you have asked about the drawings for the book I was working on for the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church. I'm happy to say that work on that is going to resume starting next week. I had to take a break because of all the health issues, but I'm finally able to sit in one place long enough to get started on it again.

And then mixed in with all that we celebrated our 7th anniversary on the 3rd; enjoyed family on the 4th; and celebrated my husband's birthday on the 5th! So there you have it. Celebrating the ordinary. Life is good and everyday is a blessing!

"Life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans." John Lennon

Fear, Living with Uncertainty, and Cancer Recurrence

2011-06-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

When you first get diagnosed with cancer, your world stops. My first thinking, eighteen years ago, was "What will happen to my children if I die?"  I think that's the first question for parents, right? You have no clue what you're in for. You're at the mercy of your doctors and health care providers as far as your physical health is concerned...and if you're a believer, you're at God's mercy for the rest.

Somehow, you manage to make it to all your appointments, your surgery, through your recovery, and your treatment. And then it's over. It's like you're "sprung" from the prison of your disease. Sure, you have to go to your follow up appointments with your surgeon, your oncologist, in my case, my plastic surgeon. But the intense focus and attention that you and everyone else around you has put on your cancer for the past couple months eases up. And then you're faced with --- I know I was -- FEAR.   The fear is of recurrence. Uncertainty. Did they get it all? Is it really out of my body? What if they didn't? What if I have to go through it again? I remember it being terrifying during my recovery from Round One all those years ago. A lumpectomy, lymph node dissection, and six weeks of daily radiation treatments left me little time or energy to think about anything else other than my family and surviving.

I remember making a point to walk every day, eat right, check myself, reading up on all the latest news on breast cancer. That's how I got started in doing the Avon Walk. I celebrated my 5 year "cure" by walking 60 miles during the first 3-day they had...from Santa Barbara to Malibu. My daughter was too young to join me at that time, so I did it on my own. It was very cleansing for me walking all those miles...just thinking, praying, praising. I had survived. But I think that was the beginning of letting go for me. They said if I could survive 5 years without recurrence, then I was "cured." I remember walking those painful steps on the third day feeling "alive" albeit with blisters...it just reinforced the fact that I was there. Crossing the finish line with my "sisters" in celebration. Seeing the faces of my children at the end - then 6 and 12 - and thinking that I had completed the journey. If I could survive 5 years without recurrence, then I was "cured." That's what I was told.

But that's only cured of recurrence of the SAME cancer. Not of other cancers. I had 18 years of great mammograms after my cancer. And then this year --- it's baaaaackk. But really, IT was not back.  Because it wasn't the same cancer. It was a different cancer, but in the same breast. And then earlier in the year, in February, I had colon cancer. Totally unrelated to the breast cancer.

I guess what I'm saying here is this. Life is uncertain. And our health is uncertain too. Yes, there is a chance of recurrence after cancer. Doctors will talk in statistics. "You have a 5% chance of recurrence". "If you survive five years without recurrence, you can consider yourself cured." We cancer survivors are in this limbo. We don't really want to know if it's coming back. What we want to know is that it's NOT coming back. And no one can tell us that. In the beginning you live day to day. Then doctor's appointment to doctor's appointment. Month to month. And then you celebrate your wellness anniversaries. The fear is always inside there. It's that little apprehension when you're opening up your screening results. But you can't let that take over. Remember: I may have cancer; but cancer doesn't have me.

So what do we do then? You just put on your big girl panties and deal with it! You can't just stop living your life because of the fear. Life will go on. So enjoy every single day. Don't stress over the small stuff (because it's all small stuff). When you're walking, look around you. Find the bird's nests in the trees. Look at the shapes and colors of God's creation, and breathe in the smell of the air. Go ahead, pick a dandelion and blow! Launch the seeds! This is life. It's happening right now. Don't miss it because of fear or worry, because honestly, you're missing RIGHT NOW by worrying about the future. Relax. Let go of the cancer. Think good thoughts. Surround yourself with beauty: nature, music, family, friends, love, laughter, a nice glass of wine, or a good cup of coffee. Celebrate not just the milestones, but the day to day, ordinary of life. Take good care of yourself. Do your best. Say your prayers. And believe in your wellness!

The Lesson of the Peas - Support!

2011-06-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Just two days ago, I picked the first peas from my garden! I had just gone out to take a look at my weekend weeding plan, when I saw the pods.  Delicious. They never made it into the dinner salad.  We just ate them off the vine. I picked a few strawberries, checked on the peppers and tomatoes. Everything is growing really well.

Yesterday, after work I came home to find the peas completely toppled. What happened. They had grown beyond their support and with nothing to grasp on to further, they had grasped on to each other.   Their little tendrils were twisted on to one another. Knotted.   The weight of supporting one another had caused them all to fall down together.

As I was working in the garden this morning, untangling the tendrils, tying the peas to the support I had bought, I was thinking about this lesson. We are just like the peas. We grow up staked in our support systems:   family and friends growing together. We mature and sometimes grow beyond our support. Letting go, we venture out on our own.    We meet with friends that are like we are. Sharing the same likes and dislikes, the same interests. And for a while, it's great. We create. We give fruit. We flower. And when we need support, we hang on to each other.

But if that support is not rooted in firm foundation, we'll topple. Together. It's up to us to choose that firm foundation. For me, it's my faith. For others, it's something else. But for me, it's my Christian faith. The lesson of the peas is a thought-provoking one for me. The new support I put in the garden was put in right at the base...right at the family and friends level. The support framework is Faith. Faith, family, friends growing together create strength, support, growth. They cause us to flower and bring forth fruit. And that's delicious!

My garden today: June 24, 2011

The Post-Op Garden, Goals, & Miracles

2011-06-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

My Garden - Six Weeks Post Op

Back in April, with my upcoming surgery looming in the future, I set out to dig up and plant my garden. Remember? It took days of cleaning up the plot, pulling out the devil grass and weeds, adding new soil, watering, planting. I knew that in the weeks to come, I wouldn't be able to dig. Or bend. Or use my arm. My goal was to plant my garden before I had my mastectomy...so that all I'd need to do in the days after surgery is turn on the sprinkler and water. And it happened. This is a photo of my garden today...six weeks post op. Time flew by. A goal was set six weeks ago. Now I'm looking at a garden that is thriving, growing, full of life.
Back in March when I got diagnosed with breast cancer round two, I knew there were things that I'd need to do to prepare for surgery. I set another goal.

Ani & I on graduation day - Six weeks post op

With Ani's upcoming graduation in June, I needed to make sure that I was well enough to attend this very important milestone. In order to make it, there were things I needed to do: set my goal in my head and tell myself (okay, convince myself) that YES, I would be there at graduation with the cancer behind me. Once I convinced myself, I needed to make it happen by making sure my healthcare team knew my intent. So everyone involved knew I had a graduation to go to. I think this helped tremendously as the team then became involved in my goal. Not only were they trying to remove cancer from my body, they were working to get this mom to her daughter's graduation! And it happened! Thank God, I am thriving.

Like my garden, there are changes that are taking place every day. Some are too subtle to see, even for me. I am six weeks post op from breast cancer. I am healing and will continue to heal for months to come. My incisions are closed. The bruising is almost all gone. There is still soreness, especially under my arm and numbness throughout the breast and abdomen. Phase two of reconstruction will happen in a few months so I'm not finished yet. But I'm back to work. I'm starting to be able to bend again (watch out weeds!) And we are walking...training for Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in September (39 miles in two days!)

The other day, as I stood looking at my scars, I was commenting to Ani on what an amazing job my surgeon did. Her comment to me was, "You know what's more amazing? Your body's ability to heal. The surgeon did the surgery; but it's your body that's doing all the healing." Never thought of it that way.

All of life is a miracle. The idea that you can put a seed in the ground, water it, and with the help of good soil and sunshine, it will grow to a beautiful flower, or a juicy tomato. Then there's the miracle of our daughters and sons, growing from babies to insightful, loving, caring adults. The healing of our bodies. The fulfillment of our dreams. All of life. Miracles.

Post Op Peppers

Post Op Peas

Looking to Graduation, and a Look Back on Ani

2011-06-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

In just two days, my daughter Ani will be graduating with her Bachelors of Science in Nursing from Cal-State L.A. This is the completion of a huge goal for her in her scholastic career; and it was a health goal for me. Just a little over five weeks ago, I was treading the uncertain ground of mastectomy, reconstruction....breast cancer. I had put Ani's graduation in my mind as a goal, and made it my wellness focus, letting everyone -- doctors, nurses, medical office staff, you name it -- know that I needed to be well and present at my daughter's graduation. And by the grace of God, I am here.

As I sit here in the coolness of my dining room, she is still asleep nestled in the soft cocoon of her bed her crazy hair fluffed out all over her pillow. It's been a busy quarter for her: putting in her precepting hours at the hospital, organizing the pinning ceremony for her class, finishing up her classes, juggling work at Children's Hospital on weekends, her relationship with her wonderful fiance, family, and being my personal nurse through my breast cancer surgery.

When the nurse first handed her to me, 24 years ago on that May morning in 1987, she looked up all wide-eyed and wet, so sweet and innocent. I instantly fell in love with my daughter (though I think that started happening when she was in my belly). But holding her right then and there, still fresh, we understood that this baby had been entrusted to us by God, such a blessing, for us to see through and love and care for. And I have had the honor of being her mother through these years (and hopefully many more to come).

From a young age, she was crazy creative. I'd put food coloring in her oatmeal and let her finger paint with her breakfast. We pierced her ears at one because she kept taking my bangle bracelets and hanging them off her ears as earrings. At age 3 she'd go through a box of watercolors a week, mixing colors, painting pictures. She'd pick out her own clothes - wild combinations of colors, scarves, mix/matched shoes. She'd take a nap in the laundry basket after the warm clothes had come out of the the dryer (hmmm...is this where the cocoon thing started?) Then came the make-believe. We had the best toy chest in the neighborhood filled with all the costumes I'd sew for her, props from her dad's studio, and finds from mamajan's closet - Belle, Pocahontas, Princess Jasmine, Miss Maral's Arabic dancer, the orange polka dot Flamenco dance dress, the Armenian costume. And then the packrat stage. I'd find paper bags, purses, containers all over her room with the most random things: one pen cap, one bandaid, one gum ball. One paperclip, one head band, one pink Barbie shoe. (I don't think the packrat stage has truly ended yet. : )

She has always been headstrong and a quick thinker. Once, when she was about 3, I remember walking into her room and saying, "Ani, I want this room cleaned up!" She turned around and sang to me the old Stones song...."You can't always get what you want!"

We went through some tough times too: breast cancer round one when she was six (the hugs from both Ani and my son Nareg helped me make it through); the divorce between Ani's dad and I, high school years with their secrecy and defiance, the "tragic youth" phase. These were heartbreakers -- I think for both of us. But we made it through with a lot of love and a lot of prayer.

And then the senior prom, her date that night with Eric, happy times. High school graduation, college, jobs, the decision to become a nurse. More goals. Wedding proposal, engagement party, love, happiness. Smiles. Making a decision to work with children, getting offered the student nurse position at Children's Hospital. School, study, more school...more study. Getting offered the internship at Children's. And now, just two days away from graduation, I'm sitting here looking back at all these years that have gone by in the blink of an eye!

We made it! Ani, you are an amazing young woman. I'm so proud of you. I know the next few days will be filled with commotion, people, friends, family, rushing around, cooking. But I wanted to thank you, for filling my days with love. For your hugs and "I love you's". For the countless text messages you send me to let me know you are safe. For walking miles and miles with me - through the Avon Walk...and through life. For being the best daughter I could hope for.

I'll have to set new goals now. Training for the walk in September, planning a wedding. Living life, one day at a time, one blessing at a time. Loving it all!

I have a prayer that I say after Ani leaves for work in the mornings - May God protect and keep you safe. May you touch the lives of all those children that you help at your job and fill them with God's love - the love that you so abundantly have in your heart to help others - may it flow through you, to them and make their days a little less difficult because of your love and care. Asdvadz hedud, Ani!

May you always walk in God's light and love!! Congratulations to my ShooShoo!

Memories of Grandma - or - Who's in the Mirror?

2011-06-02T01:03:00.000-07:00

My grandmother lived in a duplex on the corner of our block. She was a survivor of the Armenian genocide, a strong woman of faith, a proud American citizen, and an avid reader. Se loved to knit, crochet and do needlework. She also loved to garden.   I think because of the horrors she witnessed during the genocide, the beauty of her garden, the colors, the "life" it held were important and therapeutic to her. She had a small vegetable garden in the courtyard of her duplex where she grew swiss chard, tomatoes and parsley. While she tended to the garden, I would play waitress with her, pretending to take her order on an ivy leaf that was my pretend pad.

She lived on the top floor of the duplex. When you walked into her home, you would stare right at the stairs that led up to her living space. Her house smelled like a mixture of palmolive soap and onions, and it was always cool in temperature in the grandma's house sort of way.   As a little girl, one thing that I remember are the large gardening shears that were always on the second stair of the staircase. I remember how huge and sharp they looked, like old rusty giant's scissors. My grandma would use these scissors to edge the grass of her front yard. Not the garden itself, but the grass that grows in the sidewalk sections.

She took a lot of pride in her garden. Her knees were bad, and she'd sit on the sidewalk, one knee extended, one knee bent, and she would snip the grass where it hit the edge of the walkway, scooting herself down the plot as she worked. Her flower garden was beautiful. She grew fuschia flowers, the pods of which my brother and I would love to "pop" as they hung down in clusters. She loved showy dahlias and roses, and most especially she loved to grow oriental poppies. She would harvest the seed pods of the poppies and collect the seeds to put on her boregs and fresh baked bread. Once she shared with me that when she and her friends were children in Armenia, she would work in the poppy fields, harvesting the pods for opium. The beautiful red, ruffled blooms brought back happy memories of her childhood.

I've been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately.   When my life feels like it starts to get overwhelming, I think of her and her quiet strength, her faith, and her inner peace. She had a soft face, a broad nose, her hair was long and always coiled into a bun that was pinned up at the nap of her neck.  Her stockings were knotted at the knees. Plain. No make up. Basic.  Despite my health issues, compared to her life and what she had to endure as a survivor, raising a child as a single widowed mother, my life is a piece of cake.

Lately, when I look in the mirror, I've been seeing my grandmother. When I was young, I looked like my father; as I grow older, I look like my mother; but there are certain times, when my hair is pulled back, when I have no make up on, when I'm just plain ol' me when I look like my grandmother. And last month, when my brother and sister came to visit me in the hospital after the mastectomy, I heard them whisper it to each other, "She looks like grandma!" My ears heard it...and I was glad, because I thought I had been imagining it.

And the similarities don't end with looks.  I too like to knit and crochet, I love to read, and I find a great peace in spending time in my garden.  Although I haven't had luck growing poppies, I do love to grow my vegetables and flowers. Like her, I have bad knees and can't squat, so I do sit...and bend just like she used to.

Yesterday, my sister Susan came over to help me weed the garden since I'm not able to pull and use my arm too well yet. Two sisters-in-law, but truly more like sisters, we worked together - Susan turning over and loosening the dirt so that I'd easily be able to pick out the grass/weeds. We cleaned up the garden together, talking, sharing while we worked. And then just like my grandma, I picked up my gardening shears and trimmed the edge of the grass against the concrete. We finished, and came into my cool house -- was it me? or did it smell like palmolive soap and onions? I went into the bathroom to wash up, and there she was in the mirror. I look like my grandma. It's a nice reminder of someone that I miss and hold so dear.

The Importance of Community in the Process of Healing

2011-05-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first Sunday back at church. Since my mastectomy four weeks ago, I've not been physically able to attend. I am blessed to have a very wonderful church family. We truly are like a family; and when I got diagnosed and went public with my cancer, they were there, praying for me.

I was excited and a bit scared about returning. The scariness lay in the fact that we all missed one another, and that would warrant hugs, and hugs might be a bit painful yet. So I had it in my head that I was going to approach with the left shoulder leading, hug with the left. : ) It's always good to be prepared with a strategy.

It was great to be back. I had a two-fold reason for wanting to go back this Sunday. 1. I wanted to give thanks to God for the blessings of health; my surgery going well; the road to recovery being "so far so good." 2. It was my nephew/Godson's last Sunday at church before his move to AZ to pursue his Masters in architecture. So...I got ready.

Getting ready I realized, once again, that I am down on myself. My midsection is still swollen and I feel puffy. I haven't been able to bend much, and the walking has been good one day, pay back the next. My weight has been up since the surgery, and though my daughter and sister tell me that it's early yet, that it's only been a short time since the surgery, I want it all to be "normal" again. I'm impatient with myself. So there I am, beating myself up....and we go to church.

We pull up, and Sonig is outside. She saw me get out of the car and came running up with open arms to softly hug me. I walk into church, and my "me" disappears, and it's just so great to be back. It's like a family reunion. As I'm walking to my seat, I see smiles from friends. It was great to be back in choir. It was great to smell the familiar sweet incense; to see my family serving on the altar, and to worship with my church community. When we gave the kiss of peace, it was so neat to hug my sister Susan, my friends Anoush and Lusine and great them with the message that Christ is revealed among us!

After church, we had a small send off for my nephew who has been our church organist for the past three years. That was bittersweet. I'm excited for him because I know he will excel in his studies. He's brilliant. And I'm sad because we'll all miss him, his smile, his music, his creativity.

Hugs were met with my "soft hugs" admonishment, and all went "pretty well." : ) My homeless outreach partner in crime, Suzie, told me at least three times that she was so happy to see me, and I just felt really blessed. One of my friends came up after church and said, "I was praying for you and then I opened my eyes and you were here." Reggie came up and told me she started crying when she saw me walk in because she had thought of me and prayed to see me. Koko, my friend from our homeless outreach said, "I was starting my prayers praying for you....and then I was ending my prayers praying for you....and lately have I started and ended my prayers praying for you."

It's hard to convey how much this all means to me. I know that I am where I am today....a survivor...because of God's grace, because of these very special prayers from my family/friends, and because of the belief (theirs and mine) that these prayers will be answered. And they were.

To all of you out there who are praying for me...I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly believe that I could not have done this without your support, your love, and your prayers. I love you all!

Mamajan's Anoushabour Recipe

2011-05-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Sylvia put out a request on Facebook this evening for an Anoushabour recipe. I shared my mom's recipe with her...and thought I'd share it with all of you. For those of you who aren't familiar with Anoushabour, it's an Armenian fruit dessert that's made with skinless whole wheat berries, dried apricots and raisins and decorated with almonds. Traditionally, it's a holiday dessert, but anytime is a good time for it.

Okay, my mom's anoushabour is more like a thick apricot pudding, so i'm going to give you her recipe, and another that I found in one of my cookbooks.

Mamajan's Anoushabour:
1 1/2 c. cup skinless whole wheat (you can buy this at middle eastern markets)
1 1/2 cup yellow raisins
2 cups dried apricots
3 qts. water
1 cup sugar (or less, to taste)
Blanched almonds, walnuts, raisins, pomegranate arils to garnish
Optional: Cinnamon or cinnamon oil

Wash and drain wheat. Add water to wheat and bring to a boil about 15 minutes. Then turn off heat and set aside 2-3 hours until it swells/softens. Chop the raisins and apricots (food processor is best for this). Add fruit to the wheat along with the sugar. Cook on low heat until thickened (about an hour) stirring frequently. It will thicken further as it cools. Pour into a large serving dish (like a casserole dish) and decorate with blanched almonds, walnuts, raisins, pomegranate arils, etc. (My mom doesn't add cinnamon, but I do. If you want to keep the color light, you can use cinnamon oil...otherwise, add cinnamon after cooked to taste). Serve warm, cool or room temperature.

The Good, the Bad and the Achey

2011-05-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

It's Memorial Weekend. And it's been a few days since I blogged. Life has been fast and slow. There are times when I feel "normal" again, walking, creating, working on various projects. And then there are times that I just don't want to do anything: I don't want to talk, I don't want to get dressed even.

My abdominal incision is feeling a lot better, but there are times when I am so sore under my arm, on the new breast, across the middle where they tunneled. The good thing is that this usually happens at the end of the day, when my body gets tired and yells out , "Enough already! Take it easy, wouldja??"

Yesterday, I spent most of the day with my brother and sister-in-law Susan. I had a great day. We went out walking, smelling the pine and jasmine in their neighborhood, checking out the pets at the pet store. I got to see my two handsome nephews (the third handsome nephew was in school), and it was just a very relaxed time with family. We are so close, but life is so busy. We don't often get to just spend time together -- where it's not a birthday or holiday, but just quality time. It was really special.

Back at home, I worked on my new silver pomegranate necklaces and new fundraiser bracelets. I got them photographed, cropped, ready to list. And Ani came home. She asked if we'd like to go see a movie. The new Woody Allen film, Midnight in Paris, was showing in Burbank. I thought I'd give it a try. It was a great film, but still too soon for me to be sitting in one position for two hours. I kept getting shooting pains throughout the film....again, reminders from my body that I had just done a little too much today. :::sigh:::

So here we are, Memorial weekend Saturday. I listed my new jewelry on Etsy. It's one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my jammies. Taking it easy today. I do need to get out a little, but not for long. I'm saving my energy for tomorrow. I'm hoping to make it to church tomorrow....my first Sunday back.

The Garden, Doing Too Much Too Soon & Silver Poms

2011-05-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. I walked two miles in the morning, came home and sanded and shaped the silver pomegranates, was pretty good about my non-snacking goals (except for the afternoon Oprah sunflower seed extravaganza!), and walked a third mile when my brother came to visit. It was bra day, and it felt good to have that extra support, to feel normal again. Today, not so much. : ( By evening, I was out of my clothes and into my jammies by 6:00. Just needed to do nothing -- after I torch fired the pomegranates (there's always something to do). It's hard to explain. I wasn't "sleepy" tired, but my body was tired...and complaining. My abdomen (which I didn't really feel had the right to complain since all we did was walk!), was sore...like I had done sit ups all day. My new breast, after being loosely bound, was tender and achey. I haven't been taking pain meds for over a week now, but it warranted meds. "I" didn't feel like I was doing too much too soon, but I guess my body had another opinion.

So this morning, I decided to forego the walk. Actually, my friend Sugar asked if I'd like to meet her for a walk in Montrose this evening, so I'll get in a short walk (emphasis on "short"). So it's a lazy morning (as far as exercise is concerned). I slept in til about 8:30. Made coffee and wire brushed the pomegranates that I had fired last night, and they are happily tumbling in the tumbler in the kitchen for the next few hours.

My mom is coming over today. She's bringing lunch. Despite my insisting that I could fix us something here, that I had food, that I was able to get up and about, and that I am trying to eat healthy, etc. "I'll bring something light." God bless her. Our time together is cherished. The plan is that we will watch the final Oprah show together. : )

And finally, this morning, I went out to put the sprinklers on the garden. It was just a few short weeks ago, pre-surgery, that I was turning the soil, adding organic mix to my terrible dirt, watering, prepping the garden and planting because I KNEW that I wouldn't be able to dig for a few months. Well, the garden is doing really well, and I thought I'd put up some pics to show progress. I have tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, chinese peas, green beans, cucumbers, bell peppers, eggplant and a sunflowers around the border of the garden. Nothing is harvestable yet, but it's looking good. I need to weed (as the crabgrass is coming in again, but I can't bend. So maybe I can do it with that little "grabber" tool that my mom bought me?? I wonder?

Before you check out the photos though, I just wanted to add a request. I know there are a lot of you that are reading my blog. I really appreciate all the great comments on Facebook, Twitter, etc. I was wondering if you might consider following my blog? Just because I like knowing who's reading (nosy that I am.)

Okay, here are the photos. Have a beautiful day today....and remember to listen to your body and don't do too much! : )

The garden monsters (notice the crabgrass peaking in)

The Chinese peas are starting to climb

I have bell peppers forming!

The full view, sort of. with the new pepper and tomato plant that I'll ask Neddy to plant this weekend. Notice the sunflowers that are about 5" high all the way down the right and in the front bottom.

Two Miles

2011-05-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!
We're just back from our morning walk. I was able to walk two miles this morning. It helped that Ani came along with me...which always makes it more fun.

It's a good day. First of all, the thing that's "milestone" about today is I got to wear a bra!!! Sorry guys, I know this is not something that's important to blog about, but let me tell you, after surgery, this is a big deal. Those of you reading who have been through reconstruction, breast cancer, mastectomy, etc., you know what I'm talking about it. So the doctor gave me the okay for three weeks out...and I'm here! Another milestone!

So anyways...back to the walk this morning. I'm amazed at how strong I am. Truly. I mean, just three weeks ago, I had my surgery. I'm still sore, yes, but I walked two miles this morning and I am pretty sure that I could go further. I know, I know...don't push it. But I don't feel like it's tiring or straining. It actually makes me feel better (mentally/emotionally). And it's great to see that life is going on out there, outside of my drama, y'know?

Here are some of this morning's sites:

Now this was really random. We were walking down a side street and came across this chalk outline. Some one has a leg of lamb for an arm!!

And then there's the beauty of the flowers are are all around the neighborhood....

Yesterday was good. Getting out and walking made a huge difference in the productivity of my day. After the walk, I got in, made a pot of coffee, and decided to work in silver. I got quite a bit done...the silver clay is dry now, and today I'm going to set out to sand and shape the pieces I created. Here's what it all looks like at this stage.

You can see that some are smooth and some are textured. I'm going to do a resist technique on the smooth pomegranates. The textured pomegranates will have "seeds" hanging from them on the bottom. I'm going to dry doing a cold connection with those, drilling the holes in after firing with a tool that Ani bought me for Christmas. The loopy things are the bales that I'll attach to the back to hold the chain. This is what fine silver clay looks like in its unfired state. So today I'll sand, shape, do the resist, attach the bails, and maybe later on tonight I'll fire them.

I also got more pink ribbon beads in the mail yesterday. So I'll be creating more of my pink ribbon fundraiser bracelets. Check them out at http://www.pomegranateandeye.etsy.com/

Here's today's thought:

It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle.Richard M. DeVos

A Little Help from My Friends

2011-05-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

My daughter Ani leaves for her hospital rotations pretty early in the morning. I always like for her to tell me she's leaving (if I'm not up), and also to let me know she's made it to the hospital by texting me when she gets there. I know, I know...it's a bit overprotective, but it's what we do. Anyways, because I wrote that post last night, I was in the mode of "thinking" about taking a walk at some time today.

When Ani left this morning, I looked at my blackberry at my bedside. The usual email notifications, one more pink ribbon bracelet sale (thank you!), and a "comment" on my blog post from my dear friend in Japan telling me basically to get off the couch....or even think about selling the couch...but basically a call to get up and out and get moving. So I'm lying in bed reading this...and another comment came in. This time on Facebook, from my friend Sandra. Another word of encouragement.

So I didn't roll over and go back to sleep. I didn't wait for Ani's text saying she got to the hospital. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on my clothes and laced up my shoes. And off I went. I have to tell you, it was beautiful out. The air was cool and scented with jasmine that's blooming all over my neighborhood. And according to mapmyrun.com my first morning walk totaled 1.13 miles! Yay me. Tomorrow I will go further!

I was trying to take in, with fresh eyes, some of the sites and goings on around me. Here's some of what I saw:

A grandma sweeping the curb while her grandson waited with his backpack for his ride to school
The fog hugging the foothills
Some beautifully manicured yards
Some very dead and not so beautiful yards...yellowed from no water? water shortage? or just lack of care?
Cactus blooming at curbside in a very unsuspecting rock garden
A car with a C-clamp clamped to its hood to hold it down while driving!
A jasmine-scented corridor where about 50 feet of my walk was permeated with this beautiful fragrance
A really old dog on his walk with his not-so-old owner
A neighbor's fence made entirely of nautical spools? Round and wooden. Very cool.
Dewdrops on roses
The white mulberry tree on the corner is starting to blossom/make berries
Crazy, vining morning glories
Pomegranate trees blooming!

And I took a few pictures...just so you believe I was there. : )
Thank you everyone for your encouragement and prayers! I am on the road to feeling better everyday! I get by with a little help from my friends!

Here's the cool cactus flower!

My neighbor, Dave's garden...always nice. That's my car in the driveway just beyond. This was as I was coming back home. You can see the foothills in fog in the background...sort of.

I don't know what ths flower is but it's a huge, drought tolerant scrub. I had heard that it's called a Mexican Rose. It's really very showy and beautiful.

I saw lots of roses with dewdrops.

And here's that incredible wall of jasmine. As I approached it, there was no fragrance...and then about 10 feet into it, you get hit! and after you pass it, the fragrance hangs in a cloud beyond it.

It's time to get off the couch

2011-05-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

I can tell I'm starting to feel better because I'm starting to get critical about myself, (sad but true). It's been three weeks since surgery. I haven't been able to bend or move my right arm normally.....I haven't been able to exercise at all, and I can't do anything that would use my ab muscles because of the mesh that's healing inside me and the incision itself. Prior to surgery, about three weeks, I was rushing for tests, biopsies, appointments and exercise took a back burner to life and it's complexities. So it's been a couple months of no yoga. And in February, I had a colectomy (resection of the colon due to colon cancer). so no exercise then. And I'm starting to feel schlubby.

But I need to do something. The inactivity is making me gain weight (7 pounds since surgery!)...that and the "being home" factor. The doctor says I am still swollen and that is the reason for the gain, and I feel that, yes. But I also feel more jiggly. Those of you who know me, now how hard I've worked over the past year and a half to lose weight, so you can maybe understand my panic.

So tomorrow is Monday. The plan is to get dressed and take a walk. I don't know how far I'll be able to go, but I don't have to rush...I can take my time, but I've got to start moving again, and walking is something that I can do. Let the training begin!

What I've Learned from Cancer

2011-05-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Since I've been blogging about my cancer, I've received comments and emails from people commending me for my "positive" attitude. I've been helping another friend through this terrible disease, and that has gotten me thinking about attitude, my feelings about cancer, and coping. I wanted to share because it hasn't all been positive...at least I haven't been.

Cancer is not fun. In fact, it's downright scary. My first time around with breast cancer, I was 34 with two young children. I was NOT positive at all. In fact, when the surgeon told me that he recommended a double mastectomy, I was ready to say yes. I was not proactive at all. Moreso, I was one that just accepted her fate. My mom suggested a second opinion. I remember telling her no.   "Mom, I have cancer! They want to do a double mastectomy. I've set the surgery date. I need to do this and get it over with." I was terrified, depressed, and all I could think about was living through it to be able to raise my children. My mom was the voice of reason. The woman of faith that she is, she suggested that I seek a second, if not a third, opinion. In fact, she threatened that she would be dragging me in my pj's if I didn't get up and get dressed, but we were going, and that was that. And I did. It was because of her that I didn't have to have a double mastectomy at 34. I had a lumpectomy and radiation thereapy, and was able to keep my breasts for another 18 years. That's what I needed at that time. Someone to take me by the hand - drag me if necessary - and tell me what to do!

After cancer, after the therapy, I had that invincible high. I joined the ranks of "survivors" I was able to raise my children. Life was good. And I learned a lot from my experience. And I came to the realization that there was a lesson to be learned from everything in life. There is a quote from Mother Teresa that I found recently: "I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle, I just wish He didn't trust me this much." This ties in with the lesson thing. I don't think God gives us stuff like cancer to "handle", but I do know that He trusts us with getting through it so that we can learn from it...and carry the message of hope to others.   So after the cancer, I became adamant about reaching out to others with cancer, doing the breast cancer walks, helping others going through it because I've been "entrusted" with the recovery and making it through....now we carry the message forward.

I also learned a lesson in priorities. I have always thrived on chaos. My life is always "full" of too many things. But what cancer showed me back then was I needed to slow down. God had given me the gift of  life and an opportunity to raise my children, and spend my days with family and friends. It was a gift and something that I needed to cherish every day. This thinking has stayed with me for the past 18 years. I still say "yes" to far too many things...that is just my nature, but each day is a blessing, and my family needs to always come first.

So that was then. This time, Round Two with breast cancer, I was better prepared. There was no fear of the unknown. Sure, I didn't know what a mastectomy/reconstruction would be about, but I had fought the battle once before - twice if you count the colon cancer, so it was more of a call to get on my armor and fight! Here's how I saw it this time:
Given: I want to live. I want to survive. I want to see Ani's graduation, her wedding....and someday, son Nareg's wedding (someday), my nephews and niece's graduations, celebrations. I want to see my children be happy, have families of their own. Okay, I knew this much. I am a woman of faith and given this, I know I am in good hands. God has NEVER left me alone...not through round one of breast cancer, not through colon cancer, not through my divorce. Those were major things. But He has also never left me alone through my day-to-day ordinary life: my jobs, my life, my financial troubles, etc. So why should I think that he would EVER leave me alone now, in my time of need? That wouldn't make sense, right? Right!

So, knowing that, I just gave it all up to God. It made absolutely no sense for me to worry about my surgery. There's nothing I would be able to do about that part. I would just have to resign myself to know that I was in the capable hands of my surgeons, guided by God. What I COULD do is start focusing on the healing. I could visualize wellness, picturing myself getting a little stronger, a little healthier every day. I could put it in my head that I WOULD make it to Ani's graduation...and I currently visualize myself there, being present and well. I can visualize myself as healthy, walking miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in September. The mind is an amazing thing. With the help of Christ, the healer of all, we have the power to be well!

And finally, I've learned to think of my cancer as a positive rather than a negative. Since Round One really opened my eyes in respect to my priorities and my faith, I am viewing this as a positive. What lesson is there to be learned? Is it a call to slow down? A call to take better care of myself? To spend more time doing what I truly love? Or is it a reminder of how precious family and friends are? How we are all interconnected in one another's lives....and how much we are loved. Yes to all! It's a wake-up call!

To all of us who have lived with cancer, or who are fighting the fight right now: Have faith. Believe. Trust. Learn. And then put on your armor and FIGHT!!!

Quote of the Day....

2011-05-19T14:22:00.001-07:00

Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there. ~Author Unknown

Healing...

2011-05-19T12:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had my last drain removed. Yay! You don't know what a big deal that is as far as getting dressed. For the first time, I didn't have a tube sticking out of my waist, or a pouch hanging off my neck. Freedom! The drain levels were still a little high, but Dr. Berger felt we could remove it with a warning of, "If you feel like you're accumulating fluid inside you....or if you feel a sloshing inside your abdomen, you need to come in and we'll have to aspirate it." Ewww. I asked if maybe we should keep the drain in a little longer then? I don't know, the idea of having to aspirate fluid with a needle to the abdomen....not nice. But he felt it should be okay. So out it came.

I could feel ever inch of the tubing as all 12" - 15" or so came out of my body. Terrible feeling. Not painful, just eery. Like a tail whipping through your body from the inside. They put a gauze over the drain site, told me it may drain on its own for a couple days and hopefully all will be okay. The advice was to go buy some compression undergarments to keep everything supported. I asked if I could drive. He said he didn't see why not since I'm no longer on the Vicodin, so I got the okay for driving. Not that I'm going anywhere, mind you....I still can't wear a bra (which means still can't dress normally), but the idea that I can if I wanted to, is good enough for me.

And when can I wear a bra (now that we're on the subject). Starting next week. Why am I sharing this? In case there are any of you out there reading that are going through, or going to go through, you've gotta know, right? Okay, so three weeks out, I can start wearing a loose-fitting (circumfence-wise) bra. This is because the blood flow to the reconstructed breast has to remain good...so no tight-fitting clothing.

I asked about the pain I've been feeling...the hypersensitive areas, and the numbness. Both are normal. He explained that my skin has been traumatized by the reconstruction, so the nerves are all regenerating, and the skin is regaining it's blood flow. The numbness is because of the extensive abdominal surgery when they moved the muscle/skin/fat UNDERNEATH my skin, and tunneled it up to create the breast. So again, nerves severed, reconnected. It was going to take time....meaning months...for things to get back to normal.   The doctor recommended a homeopathic cream called Arnica that would help with the healing/brusing.

On the way back from the doctor we went to Target to buy the compression undergarments...and to Whole Foods for the Arnica cream which I bought in gel and cream form. I have to say that it has been helping, just a bit...but it's better than taking Tylenol for it, which was pointless.

I was surprised as to how much drainage was still going on, but the compression has been helping a lot and this morning, everything seems to have slowed down. ::phew::

Sooo....I'm home...and trying to clean house a little. Not very easy when you can't bend too well. But I'm trying to do what I can.    Everyday gets a little better. My next doctor's appointment is not for another four weeks!

Oh! And Dr. Berger said it's good for me to walk. Ani and I told him we had signed up for the Avon Walk in September....he said, "Great...just don't walk ten miles tomorrow....but start training, just don't go crazy". : )

So if you'd like to support us: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2246507&pg=personal&fr_id=2060    Only 121 days left!

About Sharing...

2011-05-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

I've been off work for two weeks now. Being that I'm not a big TV watcher, this gives me a lot of time to think. I've been thinking a lot lately about cancer, illness, the beauty of prayer and friendship, blogging, going public, and sharing. It was really a big decision for me to "go public" with my breast cancer, putting it up here on the blog page. But I'm really glad that I did it. It's really been helping me to write down my emotions, thoughts, even just my day to day here on these pages and sharing them.

I'm usually a pretty private person. I share, but I share with those that I am super close with: my family and perhaps one or two close friends. In the beginning I didn't want to share with everyone, because I was afraid of negativity, suggestions, and the worst part - having to discuss the same thing over and over with various people. But the reaction I've gotten to going public has been so opposite what I thought: have gotten only positive feedback. I've have received encouragement and prayers from readers, and because people are informed of the day-to-day online, my fear of having to repeat the gorey details over and over just hasn't come to fruitition.

Cancer is scary. As much positivity as you may have, and as much faith as you may have, there is still the reality that you are not in control. Having faith means that you don't let the fear control you; but it still doesn't mean that you have control of the illness. And that's difficult....especially for someone who likes to be in control, like me.

Sharing all this has been helping me. Telling people has been good. Sharing. It's not just sharing on a happy level. It's sharing on all levels: sad, discouraged, frightened, joyful, hopeful. I'm normally a pretty "up" person. But I do have my days (as you all know). Sharing lets everyone in on those days too...something that I wouldn't normally share, but something that is definitely part of me as well. And this is good. It's good for me to see that I can share this part of me, and still have people around that encourage me and cheer me on.

So I thank you all....for letting me share. For your encouragement, your prayers, your comments (which I love). Thank you for helping me through all this. And for sharing my sharing with others.

Week Two: Pain, Drain, Can't Complain

2011-05-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

Today is my two week surgiversary. I have to admit that I didn't think the pain would last this long, but here we are into two weeks. I have areas of hypersensitivity that are making my skin crawl. My ab incision is healing, but there are periods throughout the day where the pain makes me come to a stop. The bruising througout the chest and ab area is getting better...a shade of yellow-green now.

My drain numbers were still too high to go to the doctor today. My appointment had to be rescheduled for Wednesday. Try as I might to take it easy, I still can't get the numbers below 20cc.'s per day....that's the magic number for drain removal.

And I'm still really swollen. It's getting better, but still there. I got dressed in my regular pants today (not sweats). I couldn't button them, so kept the zipper open, and the waistband pinned together (open) with a big shirt over the whole mess. We ran a couple errands together and that was about all I could do. Came home really tired.

But still, I'm grateful...the surgery is behind me. I made it through. The cancer was removed with no nodes involved. It's good. Gamatz Gamatz (slowly, slowly). I'm getting there. It's just going to take patience.

Setting Goals - Pushing Forward

2011-05-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

When I first got diagnosed with breast cancer this time around, everything came to a screeching halt. I had so many things going on in my life, and this was just the tip of the iceberg. One more thing to deal with...but a scary thing to deal with. I mean, it wasn't just not meeting a deadline...it was dealing with my own health/life.   One of the good things about all this (and yes there is a good side) is that cancer causes you to STOP and assess your life. You really figure out what is truly important to you. You look at every day as a blessing. And you learn to weigh things out a little....keep track of your priorities.

And there's all this uncertainty. In fact, everything becomes uncertain and you lose the ability to be in control of things.  Yes, your biopsy came back positive for cancer, but then you have to wait for pathology results...when? You don't know. You're in limbo, waiting for someone else to give you the news. Once you get the pathology report, then you have scheduling to deal with...more tests, surgery, hospital, labs, etc., and once again, you're not in control, but the scheduler, the insurance company, hospital, whomever is.

Because of this, I find myself setting mini goals, pushing myself to meet them. I remember when my grandmother was alive, she would do this: "God willing, I'll be alive when you graduate high school." Graduation came and went. "God willing, we'll make it to see your engagement..." Weddings, luncheons, Mother's day, celebrations, Christmas, Easter, etc.

This time around, I found myself setting the goal of my daughter's graduation. On June 12 she'll be graduating nursing school. She's speaking at her graduation, and I found myself telling each of my health care providers that we needed to do everything STAT because I had a graduation to go to and didn't have time for this! Receptionists, surgeons, anethesiologist, nurses, coworkers, insurance customer service people...everyone knew that "this mom needs to be well and present at her daughter's graduation." And they heard me, and they made it happen!

Today is May 14. Surgery was 12 days ago. And it looks like I'm going to be able to make it to graduation after all. (Hopefully, I'll be able to dress normally...still have incisions that don't make that possible.) I'm looking at life so grateful right now. I'm looking forward to being there, watching my baby reach this important milestone.   I thank God for my life, and for the technology that we have available today to detect cancers.  I am truly blessed. I am a two-time breast cancer survivor, and a colon cancer survivor.

And once we get to the graduation goal...there's a new goal. The breast cancer walk...and all the training/walking/fundraising. One goal to the next. One day to the next. One minute to the next. Every day, every minute, every second is a blessing and something to look forward to. Life is a blessing.

New Bracelets: Fundraising for Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

2011-05-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Ani and I have signed up to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - Santa Barbara. Training to walk the 39.3 miles in two days is going to be a challenge - but easy, compared to the fundraising aspect of it. Each participant has to raise $1800. In order to help us fundraise, I've designed a line of Pink Ribbon jewelry.

These bracelets are set at a minimum donation of $40 with 50% of your purchase being donated in your name to the Avon Walk. Should you desire to donate more than the minimum, please email me and I will set it up on the site for you. The bracelets are one of a kind, limited edition. The link to the site is: http://www.pomegranateandeye.etsy.com/

Right now, I have ten created/listed.

To visit my Avon Breast Cancer page, please visit: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2246507&pg=personal&fr_id=2060

On My Own -- Just me and the kitties

2011-05-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm ten days post op today. The treat of the day has been the ability to shower! Woot! Following directions to pack drain sites with bacitracin, suspend my one existing drain around my neck, it was all soooo worth it. Then you have to reverse the steps when you get out, carefully drying and redressing. I got out a clean and happy camper...but a tired one.

I've been dealing with AFLAC this morning. Apparently, before I went in for surgery, there was one form that didn't get completed...so I need to deal with that.

I've been working on the breast cancer bracelets and need to photograph and list them online for all you nice people that had an interest in purchasing one.

One of the cool things I've noticed is that my kitties know that something is up with me. They usually fight for my attention, Zelda sitting on my lap, until Mati comes to take over, intimidate her with his bad self, and get her to run off so he can take her spot. Since surgery they have been very careful. Zelda will perch herself on the couch cushion behind me and lay her head on my shoulder from behind. Like a black kitty corsage. Mati, the big bad boy kitty, will sit right next to me and only put his paw on my lap. (This is a good thing since he is an 18 pound bad boy). It's amazing to me that they know.

Back from the Doctor - Good News!

2011-05-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

Two doctor's appointments today, both great! Thank God!

Doctor Carvajal gave me the good news. There is no residual cancer - they got it all. And he was able to remove another 7 lymph nodes during surgery and all 7 came back negative for cancer! And I have a 95% chance of total cure! Yay!

Doctor Berger said everything looks to be healing really well. He was able to remove two of the three drains, and the best news...I can shower!!! Woohooo!!! Everything is looking good. He said the healing is going to take time. Maybe we can have the third drain out by Friday, if not, early next week. No lifting still because a mesh was put in the abdomen where the muscle was taken out, and that will take time to heal. And I got the okay to walk...though not too far yet.

It was a really good day (despite the discouraging start....did I really write that post this morning?) Thank you everyone, for all the prayers and love! God is good...always.

Can I Vent for a Moment?

2011-05-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

It's another beautiful day in sunny Southern California, but I woke up feeling discouraged.
I'm tired.
Tired of sleeping in one position.
Tired of my back hurting.
Tired of having drains coming out of my body - and having to empty them, log them...etc.
Tired of not being able to wear clothes because of my incisions.
Tired of not being able to shower!
Tired of not being able to wash my own hair.
Tired of not being able to weed my garden (or plant new things)
Tired of not being able to bend
Tired of hurting
Tired of taking meds
Tired of asking for help
Just tired.
.......Okay, I think I'm done for now.

Nobody Look at Me!!! : ) Our First Training Walk

2011-05-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

Remember when I said it was a beautiful day out today? Well, Ani came home saying the same thing. She had just taken her ATI exit exam and had been staring at the computer all afternoon. She came home and asked if I wanted to start our training today. I want to...but on the other hand I'm not supposed to do anything to elevate my heartrate for now. But the sunshine was too hard to resist.

When I told Ani that I'd have to figure out what I can wear...she said, "Just go like you are. It's not like we're going far anyways." Now any other time, I totally wouldn't have done it. BUT I am a two-time cancer survivor here!!! And can do whatever I want, whenever I want (okay, within reason).

So off we went, with my pink, purple, gray floral pajama bottoms, my hot pink "Survivor" shirt from last year's Avon walk (no bra mind you!), my 70's Onco fannypack with my drain tubes hanging out of it. And everytime a car would go by, I'd cover my face and say, "Nobody look at me!" We went one block. And on our way home, walking toward us was a guy that takes the same bus to work that I do...I'm mumbling to Ani, "oh no....I know that guy...." Ani says, "It's okay, just keep your head down...." And then right when we were passing each other, I looked up, made eye contact, and said, "Hi!"

First training walk: One Block, One week and one day after cancer surgery.
Days to the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer: 130!
How to donate: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2246507&pg=personal&fr_id=2060

Trying It On My Own

2011-05-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

May 10....Guess what I was able to do today? I was able to give myself a sponge bath. Woohoo! The range of motion in my arm was a little better today. Still, it wasn't easy. Ani was studying for her exit nursing exams this morning, and I didn't want to "ask" for help. It made me feel like we're making a little progress here! I so appreciate everything that I can do for myself -- again, that thing about asking for help. I still have absolutely no feeling in my new breast, chest, waist, abdomen. It just feels like one giant eraser. Think of the feeling when you have a filling at the dentist and your lip is all rubbery and weird? That's what my body feels like from the hips up. And my right upper arm feels super sensitive to the touch. Anyways...despite this weird feelings, I did get to wash myself today. Yay me. That's big time!

My mom is over today. She came over with a ton of food that she chopped up and threw into the crock pot. It's cooking. I'm sure we'll be eating it for DAYS!! But I'm grateful. We get to spend time together, and watch all these shows that I never watch -- Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz. It's very sweet because despite her arthritis and aches and pains, she leaves her own comfort and comes over to take care of me. She's the best.

Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment with both doctors. I'm hopeful that the pathology report will come back negative for lymph node involvement (which means no further treatment). Here's to hoping!

The day is beautiful out. I'd like to go for a walk, but it's too soon yet. Maybe just a stroll out in the garden. The sunflowers that I planted before my surgery have sprouted. I can see them from my window. : )

One Week Out and Ready to Take the Next Step ....Literally!

2011-05-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

It's Monday, May 9. I am one week post-op from mastectomy and tram flap reconstruction. I've leaned a lot over the past week about the procedure, how to listen to my body and how to take care of myself. I've also taken some strides to get myself up and healthy.

A week ago, I didn't really know what to expect. Yes, the doctor said he was sending me home with drains attached...but I didn't know to what extent. Eighteen years ago, I was discharged with one drain under my arm, emptying me of the lymph from the node dissection. Today, I still have three drains...one on my side to drain the excess fluids from the mastectomy and the newly constructed breast, and then two in the lower abdomen area to drain the surgical site where muscle, fat and tissue were taken to create the new breast. I have to monitor this drainage (which is not nice), emptying the drains into a measuring cup and noting the cc's from each site. I have to keep a drain log which I call in to the surgeon's office.

I've learned to listen to my body. I've not ever been a "nappy" type of person. But after this surgery, let me tell you....I nap. The Vicodin kicks in after about 20 minutes, and I need to nap. When I haven't been able to, because of family, etc., I can feel it. The rest helps me heal, and I actually think I'm doing better because of the napping.

I think the hardest thing to get used to is allowing myself to rely on others. I have never been very high maintenance, and I've never been going at asking for help. After surgery I have no choice. I can't bend. I can't drive. I can't move quickly. I can't shower or wash my hair. What I CAN do is ask. This is not easy, but unless I want to get my hair washed, I have to ask. Sponge bath? Ask. You get the idea. Not easy, but necessary.

And then this week, Ani and I signed up to participate in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. We've done this before...and we're doing it again. I was on the fence about signing up again this year -- we have an $1800 fundraising goal EACH. It's hard to ask friends for money. BUT after this year's diagnosis, I feel that I HAVE TO WALK. First of all, I need to push myself. The training will be a way to get out, push myself to get up and moving, but most of all....it's to celebrate life! And to raise money and awareness for breast cancer, and to work toward a cure. So I've included a link to my page. I hope you'll consider supporting me. Any amount you'd like to donate is fine and very much appreciated. Here's the link: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2246507&pg=personal&fr_id=2060

Do you have a friend or family member that you'd like us to walk in honor/memory or celebration of? Please send me their name and we will carry them along with us:

These are the names of those we walked in honor and memory of last year. We carried these names with us on our packs every step of the 39.3 miles!

Anyways, I hope you'll consider supporting the cause. If you'd rather send a check, please email me: ahnoosh@ca.rr.com

Help us take the next step in breast cancer. Here we are at the Avon Walk 2010 after crossing the finish line. It's incredible to participate in something so powerful....and to do it with your daughter! Because of walkers who walked and raised awareness before me, I am alive today! And grateful!

Happy Mother's Day: It Hurts When I Laugh

2011-05-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day today, and it's coming to a close. It was a wonderful day, but different. I missed going to church with my family. And I missed being all together with my mom, sister, brother and their families. But it was a nice day, just different.

The plan was that Nareg would bring over Thai food and that Ani would make dessert..and we'd sit on the couch, vege and watch Harry Potter. That's what we did. The food was great, the dessert was beautiful (and yummy) and the movie was suspenseful.

Throughout the day, while talking to the family, or on the phone with my brother, I caught myself saying "don't make me laugh....it hurts to laugh." Holding my gut, I'd lean over and brace myself. But the response was always, "YOU'RE the one telling the joke...you're doing it to yourself." It made me realize that it really was me. That despite the major surgery, this terrible disease and all that goes with it, life was still funny, and good...and being with my family was really the best possible medicine ever.

It was a good day. A really nice fun day. I missed my mom who was at my brother & sister in law's house. And she missed being with us as well. But there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow is also Mother's day, and the next day, and the next day! She's coming over tomorrow. I'm so blessed. Happy Mother's day to all the mom's out there -- especially the Best Mom...My Mom -- who has taught me so much about love, faith, hope, parenting, prayer and compassion.

To my wonderful children, Thank You, for blessing me with being your mom. I love you both so much. Thank you for a great day...and for the laughter and smiles.

Ani's lemon bars, chocolate chip cookies, and amaretto cream strawberries (and good coffee)

Day 5: Happy Saturday

2011-05-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday. Here I am with my lovely flowers and cards. : )

Day 4: The doctor's appointment, the pain pumps, and comments

2011-05-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment today to get my pain pumps and dressings. Pain pumps are these fat grenade-like balls filled with pain meds, and they are sutured into your skin and distribute medication into your incision. Along with your drains, you carry around a pouch with your pain pumps...and as the meds are used up, the grenades become smaller. So today the sutures came out and the tubing was pulled out of the incision....and pulled, and pulled and pulled. It was wild...maybe 15" of tubing X 2 were removed. Apparently, the tubes have holes in them (kind of like a tiny irrigation hose) and the tubes are laced throughout your incision to give you pain relief. I do miss the pain relief, but I don't miss carrying them around.

My abdominal incision was unwrapped today as well. It's healing really well, but I look like Sally from Nightmare before Christmas with a zipper of stiitches going from one hip to the other. The drains are still doing their thing and will remain in til at least Wednesday. The breast is bruised but healing fine. And I'm still really sore and hurting, on pain meds, and unable to do much.

Along with all this, I wanted to write a little about comments. I know it's really awkward when talking to someone who has cancer, or has undergone surgery because of cancer. But as difficult as it is, it's also hard on the person. I talk to family and friends on the phone and I get comments like, "You sound great! You sound so energetic and happy! I'm glad you're doing so well." Or something like that. I know the caller has good intention. But the truth is, you don't feel energetic and happy. You've had a body part that you were born with cut out of you. It hurts to sit down, stand up, walk, lie down. Emotionally, you have highs and lows. You have had cancer. Is it in the past? Did they get it all? Will the pathology report show more in the nodes? Yes, there's relief because the surgery is behind you. The worst is over. But now there's a lot of healing to do...physically and emotionally. So as encouraging as the comment may seem, it's really not as comforting as intended.

So what do you say? Just ask, "how are you feeling?" And listen. Ask if there's anything you can do? Pick up anything from the market? Help with anything? And unless you're immediate family, wait a few weeks before saying you want to come over for a visit, and understand when your idea to visit isn't met with the same enthusiasm. I know in my case, I can't even get dressed most days, let alone pick up my house. The idea of having visitors is too much at this point. Lastly, know that your friend loves you, and appreciates your friendship so much, but this thing that she's going through..it's not always black and white.

First Night Home

2011-05-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

I'm moving slow. Getting in and out of bed is tough. Sleeping in one position all night, propped up, is a killer on the back. The tram flap procedure of reconstruction tunneled muscle and fat up to the reconstruction site. "Tunneled" ...weird. And painful. I am numb from the new breast through the chest area. Bending at the waist is impossible. My abs are sore, and the tape from the bandages is itchy and irritating. My tummy is bandaged...I haven't seen that yet.

On the positive side, I'm walking better...not so slow, not so hunched over. I go to Dr. Berger's office tomorrow to get the pain packs removed (two less tubes! yay!!....and no more purse o' meds to carry around). But what am I supposed to wear? Right now I have PJ bottoms on, a tshirt with three drain (grenades) pinned to hang from it. It's hot out. Sweats and sweatshirt is not going to do it. A dress with the drains underneath? Maybe. It's only for another week or so.

The Peas in the Garden - Home from the Hospital - Day 3

2011-05-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

Monday morning, I checked into the hospital. The usual prep, anesthesia, and then you wake up having had surgery and you lost track of your life for the time you were under. I remember being in recovery and it being 5:30 in the evening and being so surprised that so much time had gone by since surgery began. And now, day 3, Wednesday, and I can't believe that it's behind me now. The healing has started.

While in the hospital, you're in this kind of "funk". The morphine keeps you sedated and somewhat painfree. Family and friends come in and out with flowers and support and it all becomes kind of a blur. Was it Tuesday that they came? or Monday evening? The nurses come in and out too, checking your vitals, giving you meds, checking your bandages.

And then this afternoon, they said I could go home. It's day three. I'm hardly well. I'm still bandaged up, I've got drains hanging out of me, and a "pain pack" that I have to carry around in a little black purse. The incision areas are numb, but going home sounds so great. The ride home was painful. Every bump in the road was felt. Walking up the steps and into the house, greeted by the kitties who knew something was up.

After dinner tonight, I went out into the garden to look around. The tomatoes and peppers looked the same, even the zucchini...same. But the peas! I had planted chinese peas last week, and wbile I was away, they decided to sprout and poke through the ground. Life goes on.

Going Public: Anush vs. Breast Cancer -- Round Two

2011-05-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today is May 1. It's the eve of my surgery. It's hard to believe that my annual mammogram was just a little over a month ago. So much has happened.

Almost 18 years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At that time, my children were young, 6 and 12.  I was only 34.   My life was turned upside-down. Initially, my surgeon said we should do a double mastectomy. He said at my age (young for this diagnosis), the chances of recurrence were greater, so it would be best to remove both breasts as a preventative. But the oncologist I went to for a second opinion disagreed. After reading clinical trials, getting more information, we came to the decision that I would have a lumpectomy and a daily six-week course of radiation therapy. I did. And I survived.

Of course, that wasn't the only treatment. It took a lot more than that. The love and care from my family and friends, the endless prayers that were said for me, and the belief that those prayers were being heard and answered. And positivity.

Eighteen years have past since then. I've been an advocate for breast cancer issues. I've walked the walk (literally, countless miles in breast cancer walks)...and talked the talk, dragging friends and loved ones with me. I've made friends because of breast cancer, and I've lost friends that have lost the fight. I've been vigilant about my annual mammograms. And I've been thankful for every single day of my life since then and for every report I get back each year saying that my films came back normal.

This year, I got a different result. Instead of the "all clear" letter, I got a call back. They needed me to come in for more views. The doctor had found an "area of concern". The further views warranted a biopsy, and within a week, I was diagnosed again with DCIS...same as last time, except this time, there were some areas of infiltration.    The good news: It's early stage yet. The bad news: Because of my past history with cancer and radiation, I will need to undergo a mastectomy.

That was only a month ago. Since then I've had to meet with the surgeons, deal with insurance, submit paperwork for my disability leave and FMLA, get my work in order for my leave, have MRI's, and appointments, etc. Basically, it's been a "Calgon-take-me-away" kind of month.

I have had to tell my family (of course) and listen to their concerns, fears, hopes, encouragement. There have been countless prayers said, and I am touched by the texts and emails that I have gotten tonight by friends and family who are lifting me up in prayer and good thoughts.

Although I did tell my family and a few friends, I decided not to share this news with everyone.   I've debated about it. Why not? I suppose it's that "look" of sadness that comes over people's faces when they hear the "C" word. And then the tone in their voices. I didn't want that. If I'm going to fight this, I need to surround myself with POSITIVE ...and only positive. I need to be in my best game. But the other part of me wanted to share. Why? Because I know that I'm not the only one going through this. I know that there are women out there who are going through it now (or maybe kids whose moms are...or aunts, sisters, even fathers and brothers)...and don't know if they'll make it. And I wanted to offer them some hope.

On this eve of my surgery, I decided to go public. Round Two...I'm ready! I'm in a different "head" now than I was 18 years ago. I am stronger in my faith. I am healthier (despite the cancer), and I've been through it before. I don't have that "fear of the unknown" thing going on, although I am not looking forward to the pain of recovery. I am not afraid. I have hope. I have love. I have faith.

What Cancer Cannot Do

2011-04-20T08:35:00.001-07:00

What Cancer Cannot Do

It cannot cripple Love

It cannot shatter Hope

It cannot corrode Faith

It cannot destroy Peace

It cannot kill Friendship

It cannot suppress Memories

It cannot silence Courage

It cannot invade the Soul

It cannot steal Eternal Life

It cannot conquer the Spirit.

-Author Unknown

Fast for Darfur

2011-03-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

Many of you know of my involvement with In His Shoes, the outreach organization of our church. Our goal is to put ourselves in the shoes of others who are suffering in the world, to reach out to those less fortunate, and to combat evil with acts of kindness & love.

Each year on April 24, Armenians around the world commemorate the genocide that took place in 1915. My grandparents were survivors of this genocide, coming to America in the 1930's. The Ottoman Turks killed 1.5 million Armenians back then, and sadly genocide continues today throughout the world. This year, April 24 and Easter Sunday coincide, and we at In His Shoes have decided to commemorate our genocide by working to STOP A GENOCIDE. One that is happening today in Darfur. Currently 450,000 Darfuri have been killed and over 2,000,000 are displaced, living in IDP camps in Chad.

This year, on April 22 and 23, we will be fasting for Darfur. And this is where you come in. We will be raising money and awareness for Darfur. Our friends at Stop Genocide Now visit the camps in Chad where the refugees are living. They are working toward setting up schools and education programs for the children there. The funds that we raise will be going -- 100% -- toward the children of Darfur and providing them an education.

Will you help? Any amount you give is appreciated. Cash is fine. Checks can be made payable to St. Peter Armenian Church. If you need further information, please email me, or just ask.

Finally, I wanted to share a video with you. It's a message of hope from our community to the Darfuri community, and this week, it was taken to the camps and shown to the refugees. If you'd like more information about our organization, please visit our website at http://www.inhisshoes.org/, and please help!

Dignity, Homelessness and the Amazing Chain

2010-11-24T13:12:00.000-08:00

Dignity. The dictionary defines it like this:

We pulled up to our first stop around 8:00 p.m. 4th Street and San Pedro. There's a small encampment there of people living in boxes (if they are lucky to have a box), and on the sidewalk itself. It's cold. A man came up to me and asked if I would have a pair of shoes for him. He said he had shoes, and if we didn't have any, that was fine. But his shoes were canvas, and it had been raining.... No worries. I set out to the back of the pick up to find him some shoes. Digging around, I found a pair of leather high top shoes. I held them up. "Can you use these?" He looked. He smiled. He said, "Those look great. I hope they fit. I won't take them if they don't though. Let me try them on." I grabbed him a pair of socks, and he set out to try on the shoes. In the meantime, I asked him if he could use some soup? an emergency blanket? how about a poncho. "I'm good," he said. "I have everything I need. But thank you."

The shoes fit. He was smiling....and stomping around in the shoes. Then he did something very few on the streets would do. He handed me his canvas shoes, and said, "I'll donate these to you. They're worn, but someone else can make some use of them. Oh, and I'd like to give you a donation." When I thanked him but said it wasn't necessary, he said, "Oh, no, I know it's not necessary, but I'd like to. It's important that we help one another. And your group is here helping us." He pulled out $2 from his pocket and handed it to me with thanks. "God bless you guys. And Happy Thanksgiving to you."

At our last stop, the lines for food were huge. Hungry people lined up as our crew poured hot water into the cup-o-noodles. At the pick up we were busy finding clothing for people. We never have enough warm clothing, the need is so great. But we actually did have enough where everyone who approached us got something. When the lines had died down, we announced it was time to pack up. That's when Selin, our newest crew member, asked me in Armenian, "Do you think you have some shoes and socks for this man? He's barefoot." I looked to find a man, standing in shorts and a tshirt waiting for soup.

When I think about how it all worked that night, I don't know why I shouldn't expect it to work out that way from the beginning. Through God's grace, all things are possible (and probable). The man that donated the shoes at the first stop had a reason for doing so. The fact that there wasn't a match for them at our other stops was also meant to be. The barefoot recipient of the shoes was supposed to be in line, barefoot. And Selin, being new to our ministry, was supposed to be right where she was, distributing the soup and taking it all in, in order to take compassion upon this man and ask that we might have shoes and socks for him. It's an amazing chain this way. Everyone has something they can give: be it a smile, a thank you, a pair of shoes, a compassionate heart, a kind word, an ear to listen.

Pomegranate & Eye at Armenian Art Night this weekend!!

2010-11-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

This weekend, we're hitting the road and heading South to San Diego. Pomegranate & Eye will be one of the artists featured and the Armenian Art Night fundraiser. I've attached more info. Funds raised will benefit the Armenian School Support Project. For every $50 raised, World Bank will match with $950. http://www.armenianartnight.com/

If you've got friends in the San Diego area, please pass along the info. Admission is $25. which includes wine and cheese/hors d'oerves. Hope to see you there!

Three Years and Going Strong

2010-11-10T13:19:00.000-08:00

This is a re-post from my earlier blog. Recently it was read as Ani's Bubble on The Next Step with Fr, Vazken podcast. I thought I'd move it over here to give it a new home:

Last night's homeless outreach to Skid Row was no different than any other month over the past three years that we've been feeding and clothing the needy on the streets of Los Angeles. Here's how it works: Our usual three cars pull up to a populated street at about 8:00 p.m. Trunks pop open to reveal clothing collected throughout the month, soup, water bottles and snacks, Bibles in English and Spanish. By now, our friends that live on the streets know us. They know that the orange car has the food. They know that the girl with the infectious laugh will find something for them to wear or keep warm with. They know that if they come up and talk to us, we'll listen. And they know that we'll try to help if we can.
Over the course of three years we've seen and heard a lot. Our hearts have broken when we listened to an elderly Italian woman tell us her story of how she had ended up homeless and living in a box on the corner of Los Angeles and Fifth. "I was like you," she said. "I was the one giving food to the homeless." It grabs you in the gut. The saying, "There, but for the Grace of God, go I," comes into play, and you realize how fragile life is. How important family and friends are. How we are all THERE on the street if it wasn't for the support systems that we have, be they friends, family, faith, etc. And because of that, you want to be there for them.
We've experienced miracles: We were passing out our usual fare of soup and snacks one evening when a man approached and asked if we had any salad. We thought this was funny at the time. "No," we said, "sorry, but we have soup...would you like some?" "No thank you," he answered, "but would you have a sandwich? I'd really love a sandwich." "Sorry...this is all we have, but you're welcome to it." The man left. Two minutes later a car pulled up. This couple had gone to Starbucks at closing and asked for food donations to distribute to the homeless. Seeing us, they pulled over and asked if we could tell them some of our stops. We asked what it was that they were distributing. "We have some salads, and we have sandwiches." My friend Suzie and I just looked at each other dumbfounded. Could their timing have been more perfect? We called over the man that had asked for the special order and he was all smiles. So was this God's miracle? No. But what happened next was. Our friend took the salad and the sandwich, raise it up, closed his eyes and thanked God for the blessing. That was the miracle. He knew what he wanted, and God knew what he needed. It was provided for him, and he - despite all his hardships, his lack of a home, a place to sleep, clothing to wear - knew that his needs were met through God and he was grateful.
I had a man come up to me last night and give me a $2 donation. This was probably all the money he had. He was transplanted to Los Angeles from Chicago. He had come here to see if he could make a go of it. It hadn't worked out and he found himself on the street. Our new volunteers got to witness this man's generosity. He gave them the donation, but they didn't want to take it. Clearly, he was in need. When I walked by, they handed it to me. I thanked him and asked him his name. "John. My name is John." I offered him soup, water? Maybe a tshirt? "No, I'm fine. I'm good. I just wanted to make a donation. Where are you all from?" I told him we were from In His Shoes, the outreach organization of our church. He said, "Well, it's good what you're doing. A lot of people complain about the homeless...but you are out here doing something about it. God bless you. Thank you."
This is not uncommon. Our evenings on Skid Row are filled with grateful smiles, warm hugs and blessings. And I always come home not feeling like we've done something great, but feeling like I've received something amazing. I think those of us that are "regulars" know what I mean. We're hooked. We get so much more than we give. We get to experience genuineness at it's most basic level, smiles, tears, hugs, emotion, humanity. And we get to share in the LOVE that is so unconditionally given to us by God.
If you're interested in joining our team for our homeless outreach, please shoot me an email with your contact info to anush@pomegranateandeye.com

The Miracle of Prayer

2010-11-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days since Sunday, but I keep thinking about her, about us, about the importance of community and support. About prayer. About faith. And about miracles.

This past Sunday I was introduced to a young mother. I didn't know this woman at all...not face to face, but I knew her through faith.   A month ago we sat in church when Fr. Vazken stopped the service, turned to us and asked the entire congregation, at that moment, to pray for Parik. She had gone into labor but things had gone wrong. Baby was delivered and taken to one hospital, while Parik lay in a coma for nine days!  We have a prayer box at our church where people can drop in their prayer requests throughout the week, and at a point in the service, our priest will mention those names that need our prayers, and to ask God to grant them. But this Sunday was different. We were asked as a congregation, as a family, to please pray for Parik.

I asked my friends after church if they "felt it". I know I did. When everyone was in prayer collectively, it was different. My skin tingled at that moment, and I "KNEW" that she would be okay. Hard to explain it...but that was the feeling. The following day I asked Fr. Vazken if he had heard any news. "No. But I don't want to call." He explained to me that the act of calling would in a sense be almost like we were doubting -- checking up ---if our prayers worked.   We had put in the request....now we just needed to continue, and most importantly, to believe.

Wednesday night at our Questions in Faith meeting, he made the announcement. "I received a call today. She opened her eyes." She was in a coma for nine days!  She pulled through and was going to be okay.

That was two weeks ago. This past Sunday, we had a huge crowd at church. Afterward, we were outside talking when Fr. Vazken came to me, pointed out a pretty young woman and her husband and said, "That's Parik." It didn't register for a second, and then POW! I couldn't believe it. She looked normal, healthy, her husband - quiet and shy. I went up and hugged her. Poor woman, I don't really know what she thought. I introduced myself. "I'm so happy to see you here! We've all been praying for you! How are you? How's the baby?" I really felt like I knew her. People had started coming over, one by one, hugging her, giving thanks to God, welcoming this young mother and father as our own.  She said, "The baby's fine. I'm so blessed, I have my son now." Soon we were all emotional and crying, "Happy tears," in Parik's words.

So what's the miracle? Is the miracle that she survived a coma after twelve days and is alive and well? Well, yes. But the bigger miracle is the transformation that happened to a group of faithful at our small church on the corner: It was the feeling of belonging...we were a church family and were in this together. It was genuine caring and concern for another human being in a day and age when we just don't hear that in the news. It was the renewal of faith and our belief that through God all things are possible...if you let go, and believe.

Why the Eye? Why the Pomegranates?

2010-11-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

As far back as I can remember, I've always had to create. My parents always encouraged my creativity, but it was my father that would spark my imagination. We grew up in the heart of Los Angeles in the 60's and 70's. Back then there were just a handful of Armenians. I remember my mom driving us to Glendale for piano lessons after school. We had to make sure and turn right around and head back home before 6:00 p.m. because we were minorities and had to be off the streets after that time. Seriously. But we grew up proud, embracing our culture and its traditions.

One of the traditions that always intrigued me as a child, was the use of eye beads. I'd love looking in the display case at the eye beads. They were always staring back...so creepy. When babies were born, you'd pin an eye bead on them to ward off the "char atchk" or evil eye. The evil eye was defined as the jealousy that someone felt toward your good fortune. People wore a single eye bead....or a bracelet of eyes. Sometimes it wasn't even an eye bead but just a blue bead. Back then they were called "donkey beads". I have no clue why.

In 2007, I started my online jewelry business : Pomegranate & Eye. I wanted to create jewelry with eye beads, but didn't like what was out there. So I designed my own beads and have them made especially for me. They are lampworked, highly detailed, glass beads, each made by artisans. I create bracelets and necklaces with these beads, and I also work in fine silver creating my pomegranates.

The pomegranate is the symbol of Armenia. It is the symbol for abundance, prosperity, fertility and creativity. I guess I started looking into pomegranate jewelry when my brother brought back a small wooden pomegranate from Armenia. I love the shape of the pomegranate, and as kids, we would love when my medz mairig would split one open for us. Seeing that there was no fine jewelry out on the market in the shape of a pomegranate, I started working on creating them in fine silver. Each of my pomegranates is handmade and unique. I don't use molds and so no two are alike. I sculpt the pomegranate, sand, and torch fire it. The seeds are Czech glass and fuse together in the firing process. Then there's the burnishing, polishing, tumbling. It's a process, but I love it. Each pomegranate is made with love.

And then there's the little Pomegranate & Eye bead. Each of my bracelets has a little red pomegranate bead charm. This is my wish to you for an abundance of life's blessings. The little bead is shaped like a pomegranate and has an eye on it (the Pomegranate & Eye logo). So there you have it.

Wishing you a very Pomegranate Day - filled with abundance, prosperity and creativity!
Anush

You can visit my shop at www.pomegranateandeye.etsy.com
And "like" me on Facebook: Pomegranate & Eye
and follow me on Twitter: PomandEye